All Manner of Horror
by Dirty Reid
Summary: Within the Forbidden Scroll rests a terrible entity. What happens when Naruto unleashes it upon the world?
1. Smile

**All Manner of Horror**

**By: Dirty Reid**

**A.N: Just a little something I thought of out of the blue.**

**Chapter 1: Smile**

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He couldn't believe it.

Uzumaki Naruto's eyes were impossibly wide as he huddled in the bushes. He was horrified at both what he had done, and what he had just learned.

He had just stolen the Forbidden Scroll of Konoha, as Mizuki-sensei said that that was to be his make up test for failing the Academy-specified one for the third time. He had set down in the forest and got to work. Three hours later, Iruka-sensei had found him with Mizuki hot on his tail.

It was then that Mizuki had proceeded to pin Iruka to a tree with kunai and inform Naruto of the reason why people hated him so:

The Yondaime Hokage had not been able to destroy the Kyuubi no Yoko. He had merely succeeded in sealing its soul away... inside of him.

Currently, Naruto looked on as Mizuki kicked the down Iruka for allowing Naruto a window of opportunity to escape.

"Why did you help him Iruka? You know that he killed your parents. You know that he'll kill you too whenever he gets a chance! Why the _fucking _hell did you help him?!" Mizuki spat as he stomped on Iruka's chest. The scarred Chuunin spat up a gout of blood.

Iruka wheezed, "That is something a demon would do," he said weakly. Naruto felt his already deflated heart begin to sink even further.

"But Naruto is anything _but_ a demon. He is a human being; he's one of my students; and most of all... (wheeze)... he's my _friend_!" Iruka finished firmly. Naruto's heart lightened and he could not help but smile. His smile promptly turned into a frown when Mizuki became furious.

"You have just sealed your fate, demon lover!" he said before he stomped on Iruka's chest again. Iruka screamed in pain.

"F-fuck you Mizuki," he managed to say before the silver-haired man continued to beat on him. Naruto was on the verge of tears; there was no way he could save his sensei.

'_If I don't do something, Iruka-sensei is gonna die! What do I do, what do I do, what do I... hey! That scroll!'_ Naruto's eyes brightened in realization as he remembered uncovering a secret with the scroll. He pulled the enormous item off of his shoulders and began to twist off the black cap at the bottom of the tube the scroll was attached to. He had noticed the cap when he had laid out the scroll, but had chosen to ignore it in favour of the jutsu. He yanked the cap off and out fell... another scroll.

"What the hell?" Naruto asked quietly as he picked it up. It was just less than a foot long and completely black; even darker than the night itself. For some odd reason, Naruto felt a chill run up his spine as he clutched the small object. It seemed to be emanating some sort of ethereal energy that did not scream, merely whispered 'Avoid me'.

Swallowing nervously, Naruto cracked the scroll and opened it up. Even inside it was jet black. Written in white ink was a small title at the beginning of it, which made Naruto stare for a second.

_All Manner of Horror_

'_Wonder what that means,'_ Naruto thought as he cracked the scroll open even further. What greeted him was yet more jet black scroll with white ink outlining several slots. Naruto began to wonder what the purpose of the scroll was when he remembered the class where summoning scrolls were explained and what they looked like.

'_SWEET! A summoning scroll... but what would it be doing in here? S'not like summons are forbidden or anything.' _He quickly bit his thumb and signed his name. Of all things interesting in the Academy, summoning scrolls were something he was interested in and had paid attention to. He quickly dabbed blood on the rest of his fingers and placed them on the lower part of the first slot. For a second, nothing happened. But to Naruto's surprise, the blood that had been an unnatural red against the black parchment simply seemed to melt into it and vanish from sight, leaving a slightly shinier spot where it had been before and making Naruto shiver.

He had no idea what kind of darkness he was about to unleash.

Unbidden by his mind, a seal sequence came into Naruto's head; the seals for summoning.

'_Alright,' _Naruto thought as he placed the scroll in his pocket _'time to do this.'_

"Mizuki-teme!" he yelled as he jumped out of the bushes just as the traitorous Chuunin was about to slash Iruka with a kunai.

"Ah, there you are brat! Where the hell is the scroll?!" he demanded. Naruto set his face in determination and anger before he set his hands in an inverted ram seal.

"You can't have it! But I'll tell you what you can have: KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU!" Naruto roared. The enormous spike of chakra that followed nearly threw Mizuki off his feet.

Orange. All Mizuki could see was a sea of orange. His pupils shrank rapidly when he found them to be hundreds of Naruto clones; very _solid_ Naruto clones. He closed his eyes and waited for the pain to begin.

But nothing came. He opened his eyes to see one Naruto ambling up to him, presumably the original.

"You are gonna pay for hurting Iruka-sensei teme." he said before he bit his thumb and ran through a seal sequence that Mizuki had seen but never used before.

'_Where did he get a summoning contract?'_ Mizuki wondered when Naruto's chakra flared again and he slammed his hand into the ground and yelled "Kuchiyose no jutsu!"

A loud bang and a plume of smoke ensued. Mizuki covered his eyes and waited to see some enormous animal lift up its foot or paw to crush him... but nothing came. The smoke cleared and revealed the baffled faces of Iruka and Naruto. They were staring at what was before them.

It was a man. By visual estimate, he looked to be about 5'8". He wore bizarre clothing, unlike anything either three of them had ever seen. His pants were a rich purple, as was his outer jacket. Beneath the jacket were a dark green button-up vest, and a light blue silken shirt underneath it. Hanging between the vest and the shirt was some sort of strip of fabric with a design on it that was not quite visible.

But the man's clothing did not draw Mizuki's gaze. What drew his gaze was his _face_.

The man's nearly shoulder length hair was unwashed and grungy. There looked to be some sort of product in it that made its colour a combination of dark, dirty blonde and an ugly green. Some of it fell over his face, which was covered in uneven white makeup. Around his sunken eyes were two black spots, similar to raccoon eyes, but more like the sockets of a skull that allowed one to peer into the man's soulless eyes, glaring up from the pits of hell.

His mouth was scarred severely. The long scratches and uneven skin formed bumps that curved upwards, almost like a gruesome, twisted grin. Smeared over his mouth and the scars was a thick coating of red makeup that mirrored the twisted smile carved into the man's face.

When he turned around and allowed Naruto and Iruka to get a look at him, Naruto felt his mouth fall open in fear, and Iruka's black eyes seemed to open just a little. The man said nothing as he surveyed his surroundings, taking particular interest in the hundreds of staring clones. No words were spoken for over a minute.

The man was the first to break the silence as he quietly smacked his lips.

"Who's the mother?" he asked in a rather high, nasal voice. Mizuki, Iruka and Naruto simultaneously raised an eyebrow. The man took a look at all three of them for a second or two before he burst out laughing; a high-pitched and wheezy sound.

"Hhee ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA!" the man laughed, showing his yellowed teeth.

"I, I mean, _who_ in their right mind _had_ all of these kids?! Seriously, there has to be some sort of violation of human rights in there somewhere! Hee hee ha ha ha!" the man began to renew his wheezy laughter after his hilarity-laced question.

'_Kami, what have I unleashed?'_ Naruto asked mentally, brought back down to earth when the man looked at them again.

"Okayyyy... who's going to die here?" he asked in such a normal voice that Naruto felt a prick of sweat run down his forehead. "Better yet, who called me?" the man asked in his disturbing, creepy, nasal voice. Unable to make his vocal cords work, Naruto raised a shaky hand. The man looked down at him, all laughter gone from him.

"You," he said more than asked, interest plain as day in his voice "and, um, are these all your siblings?" he asked, waving his black-gloved hand around to indicate the clones.

"U-um, no, th-they're Kage Bunshins; chakra-based copies!" he answered nervously, brightening a little as he finished his explanation. The man stared at him blankly.

"...I have _no_ idea what you just tried to tell me, and I don't really care." he said dismissively, making Naruto twitch in annoyance.

"Impatient, hmm? Well then, I suppose... that I should just get down to business. Who's the unlucky victim?" he asked as he pulled something out of his purple jacket pocket. _Snikt_! Out popped a short blade about four or five inches long with two oval holes running through the centre of it. Naruto had never seen a knife like that before. The man lifted it up and smelled it before he looked back at Naruto.

"Well?" he asked. His voice clearly exhibited impatience as his grip on the short knife tightened. Unable to form words again, Naruto raised his shaky hand and pointed at Mizuki, who was shaking like a leaf as the scarred man turned to leer at him while licking his lips, making him look even more crazy.

"Hmm, the fruitcake?" he asked, making Naruto grin just a tiny bit at the insult. "Well, um, could a couple of you boys, uh, hold him down?" the man asked as he licked his lips. Naruto looked at a few of his clones and nodded. Within the blink of an eye, three clones had restrained Mizuki; two held his arms, and one had jumped on his back.

"Let me GO!" Mizuki yelled, beginning to thrash. His movements slowed as the man approached him, leaning in close, sniffing, circling. The clones looked rather uneasy as he stopped and looked Mizuki straight in the eyes with his head inclined.

"You look nervous. Is it the scars?" the man asked, pointing at his face with his knife. "Y'wanna know how I got em'?" he asked. When Mizuki didn't answer, the man grabbed his head. When Mizuki started to pull away, the man held his knife dangerously close to Mizuki's face. "LOOK. AT. ME!" he commanded loudly through gritted teeth, making Mizuki stare at him in terror. The man smacked his lips again.

"Ya see, back in my day, there was a war going on. My home country, the United States of America, versus a Middle Eastern terrorist group called the Al-Qaeda. What happened was that the Al-Qaeda bombed several American icons. Now, that, that pissed off the government, and they went to war with the Al-Qaeda." here the man paused to let the story sink in.

"I enlisted in the army and was dispatched with the first group of soldiers to the Middle East. We fought quite well, but the Al-Qaeda were sneaky bastards. When me and a few of my boys were on patrol, we were ambushed and I was taken prisoner. I got pretty beaten up by them, and then I was chained up in an underground safe." The man sighed and gave a little snarl.

"Finally, one man came in. I didn't speak their language particularly well, but the man had a knife a-and I'm pretty sure he said something along the lines of 'Let's put a smile on that face!' before he did this." the man raised his head to allow Mizuki a look at his scars.

"He let me out and left me stranded in the desert. Luckily, I was found by some of my troops and brought back home... But forever, that phrase went through my head, along with another one," here the man paused again and looked at Mizuki pensively before he slipped the knife into his mouth. Even the air was still for a moment.

"Why... so... _serious_?" the man asked before he violently yanked the knife to the right. The sickening sound of flesh ripping was interjected by the high-pitched scream Mizuki gave off. Despite being splattered with blood, the man held Mizuki's face firmly and cut a small slice upwards from the same cut. Mizuki screamed again.

"Now don't lose your happy thoughts... on second thought, it doesn't matter. Everybody will think you're happy after this because you'll _always be smiling_!" the man cackled insanely before he cut into the other side of Mizuki's mouth. Again, the silver-haired Chuunin screamed as the second half of the smile was carved into his face.

From behind the man torturing Mizuki, Naruto felt sick to his stomach as he bore witness to the gruesome summon's methods. Iruka looked as though he was going t pass out. Another minute of screaming passed before the man stepped back and swung his knife across Mizuki's throat. The silver-haired traitor started choking and gasping before he fell to the ground. Blood spurted from his opened throat in little spurts, staining the grass in an expanding lake of red. The man licked the blood off his knife and was about to fold it back up when he laid his spooky eyes on Iruka.

"Do you... want me to send him off smiling?" he asked, as he pointed at Iruka with his knife.

"N-no!" Naruto stammered as his clones popped out of existence. The man didn't seem fazed as he shrugged and put the knife away.

"'Kay. Need me for anything else?" he asked. Naruto shook his head. The man kept staring at him.

"What's your name by the way?" he asked.

"N-Naruto." the younger blonde replied.

"Naruto... has a nice ring to it. Here- here's my card," he pulled something out of his jacket, stepped forward and presented it to Naruto, "you can put some blood on it if you want to call me back specifically. See you around." the man said with one final wheezy laugh as he vanished in a cloud of smoke.

Naruto looked down at the item the scarred man had given him. It was a playing card. More specifically a joker card with a small amount of paint covering its mouth, making a large smile that extended off of its white face.

'_That smile... is he trying to say that his __name__ is Joker?' _Naruto wondered before something more pressing occurred to him.

"Iruka-sensei! We've got to get you to the hospital! Hold onto me!"

"That won't be necessary Naruto." said a wizened voice that Naruto knew all too well. He whipped around and saw his grandfather figure, none other than the Sandaime Hokage, Sarutobi Hiruzen, flanked by half a dozen ANBU. The old man looked rather sickened by Mizuki lying in a stagnant pool of blood.

"Did you do this Naruto?" the old man asked, looking rather interested as Naruto started to fidget.

"M-more or less. I used the Kage Bunshin no jutsu to pound the crap out of him and I guess the clones got carried away." he lied quickly. Hiruzen looked skeptical for a moment before he shrugged and ordered his ANBU to take the scroll back to the tower and Iruka to the hospital.

"Wait!" Iruka complained weakly, "Naruto, come here." he ordered. Naruto slowly walked up to his sensei and father/brother figure.

"Close (cough) your eyes." he said and Naruto obliged. He felt something being wrapped around his forehead. He opened his eyes to see Iruka smiling painfully at him, minus his hitai-ate. Naruto quickly realized what it was on his forehead: It was Iruka's hitai-ate.

He was a ninja. He couldn't help but break into a smile, even after the gruesome murder he had just witnessed.

"Thank you sensei." he said in just more than a whisper. Iruka smiled back.

"Be at the Academy tomorrow morning at eight 'o clock (wheeze) for the team assignments." he said before the ANBU carried him off, picking up the scroll on their way. That left him and Hiruzen alone with Mizuki's dead body.

"Naruto... do you want to talk about this?" he asked, waving his hand in the direction of Mizuki's dead body. Naruto cringed.

"Nah; if I stay here and talk about it, I'll probably woof my cookies and not be able to get out of bed for my FIRST DAY AS A NINJA!" Naruto yelled as he turned and took off for his apartment. Hiruzen watched him go with a smile on his face.

'_That's the Naruto I know and... hmm... I don't wanna say love but... dammit, I'll think of this tomorrow!'_ he cursed as he teleported himself back to his tower for a long night of work.

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Back in his apartment, Naruto sat on his small bed, staring at the little black scroll in front of him. He took it slowly in his hands and pried it open. His eyes widened when he noticed that the blood he had written his name in had dribbled back through the parchment somehow. He looked down to a tiny drop at the bottom of the page and noticed that the paper seemed to have been curled up, as there was another sheet on the bottom. He took a hold of the flap and lifted it up.

What he saw nearly made him faint. There was the blood he had used. It was no longer in the form of his name, but simply splotches and rivulets sitting upon a larger image.

The larger image was a white skull with needle-like upper teeth and no lower jaw. The blood looked as though it was leaking from the eye sockets and dripping from the upper teeth, as though the skull had just gored someone to death. He alternated looking at the bloody skull and the creepy card that clown-ish summon had given him.

'_If that Joker guy was just one of the summons, I don't really think I want to meet the others. For now, I need to promise myself that I will __only__ use the scroll in the worst of times. I can't afford to let any other freaks I might summon hurt anyone else.'_

Little did he know that those 'worst of times' would only start coming even more in his coming years.

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**The end of chapter 1! I hope you enjoyed my little take on the Joker.**

**If you are having problems envisioning the skull, it looks like the one from the first Punisher movie.**

**Also, the summons that can be summoned are not just limited to horror movies. They just have to be really scary looking or evil. Send me a PM if there's someone you want to see Naruto summon, and I mean any scary person at all!**

**One last thing: Looking for something to write? Feel like doing an original story? Well then, check out my profile and see if you want to take up my Manhunter Challenge fic!**

**Dirty Reid **


	2. Man Flesh

**All Manner of Horror**

**By: Dirty Reid**

**Chapter 2: Man-Flesh**

**A.N: WOW! Over 50 reviews for a story I just banged out in one night! I'm surprised; I just thought people were going to hate it! Anyways, there was a LOT of good suggestions. Here are just a few of them:**

**-Jason Voorhees (He was a popular demand, probably because Friday the 13th comes out today)  
****-Freddy Krueger (He's a given)  
****-The Xenomorphs  
-The Predators  
-The Nazgul/ Balrog/ Sauron from LOTR**

**Some of the others include Beetle Juice, Chucky, and Barney the Dinosaur (lol). I will definitely consider these suggestions and try to fit in as many as possible.**

**Oh, also note that there won't be a pairing for this fic.**

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Naruto couldn't help but feel a little nervous as he prepared to enter the Academy the day after getting his photo taken and having a run-in with the Hokage's grandson, Konohamaru, ultimately ending in him teaching the boy the basics behind the Orioke no jutsu. He had been impressed later that day when the boy pulled it off successfully in an attempt to defeat his tutor Ebisu.

Taking his head out of the past, questions began to swim in Naruto's head. What would people say if they saw him in there? They would probably deny his claim of being passed late and shun him or something. But he didn't care. He had passed, and that was all that mattered. He stifled a yawn: Nightmares of what ghastly beings that scroll granted him the power to call upon had kept him up all night.

Even now, he felt a foreboding aura hovering around the little black scroll he kept in the inside pocket of his orange jacket, along with the Joker's calling card. He ceased thinking about them as he opened the doors to the room he had been directed to. Immediately, the eyes of dozens were upon him.

"Naruto?!"

"What are you doing here?!"

"Mendokusei..."

"N-Naruto-kun?"

"You're only supposed to come if you _passed_ dobe." said a voice that grated on Naruto's nerves more than any other. He looked to the highest and farthest desk from him to see the disdainful black eyes of the one and only Uchiha Sasuke.

"If I didn't pass teme then how do you explain this?" Naruto shot back, tapping the hitai-ate on his forehead. Sasuke looked at it and shrugged before he resumed his brooding. Naruto sat down in the front of the class and simply waited. He did not perk up when Sakura and Ino came racing into the room, both declaring that they had won the race and ending up with Sakura sitting next to Sasuke and began chattering nonsensically.

Instead of taking interest, Naruto was vividly trying to force the image of Mizuki's face being carved in front of him, punctuated by the Joker's wheezy laugh and horrendous face.

He brightened up considerably when Iruka walked into the room. He was moving rather gingerly and his breaths were somewhat shallow, most likely because his ribs were still causing him some grief. There were faint shadows of bruises on his face, but otherwise, Iruka looked okay.

"Quiet down please," Iruka said as he held up his hand. Naruto was surprised that Iruka didn't yell it out, but that was most likely because of his injuries. Still, the class became silent and gave the Chuunin their attention as he congratulated them on passing and warned them that their lives would become infinitely tougher now that they were out in the ninja world. He quickly got into announcing the teams and Naruto paid close attention, hoping that he was on a team with Sakura-chan, but not Sasuke.

"Team Seven: Uzumaki Naruto," the blonde perked up, "Haruno Sakura,"

"YATTA!" "NO!" came the two shouts.

"And Uchiha Sasuke." Iruka finished.

"Crap," "SQUEEE!" "FUCK THAT SHIT IRUKA-SENSEI!"

All heads turned to the vulgar outburst Naruto had just made. Iruka looked especially affronted.

"Why do I have to be on a team with Sasuke-teme?! That's just BULLSHIT!" he shouted.

"That is _enough_ Naruto! You were placed on that team on the basis of the best-worst ratio, so stop complaining!" Iruka snapped. Naruto was about to retort when a nastier voice in the back of his head whispered a calm suggestion. One that was far more threatening than simply yelling. Naruto hesitated for a moment before he reached into his inner jacket pocket. Iruka wondered what he was looking for. He got his answer a second or two later and it made him blanch.

Naruto was holding that card that the clown freak had given him last night; the one that would call said psycho back if the card was used in the summoning.

"Don't make me do it sensei." Naruto warned as he slowly moved to bite his finger.

"A-alright!" Iruka squeaked as he quickly looked back at the team assignments and began to scribble furiously. All eyes remained on Naruto as he put the card away. What could that little piece of paper do that was frightening enough to make Naruto able to persuade Iruka-sensei? They kept pondering what that card could do until Iruka began to speak again.

"Team Seven will now be composed of Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura and Akimichi Chouji." Naruto grinned a little smugly, but still felt quite guilty for doing something as low as threatening Iruka-sensei with death at the hands of the Joker.

"Your sensei will be Hatake Kakashi. Team Eight, under Yuuhi Kurenai, will be Hyuuga Hinata, Inuzuka Kiba and Aburame Shino." Midway up the tiers of desks, Hyuuga Hinata seemed to deflate just a little when she learned that she would not get a chance to be on a team with the boy she adored.

"Team Nine is still active from the previous year, so there will be no new Team Nine. Team Ten will be composed of Nara Shikamaru, Yamanaka Ino and Uzumaki Naruto. Your sensei will be Sarutobi Asuma." Iruka finished "Your senseis will be here shortly." He shot Naruto one last dirty look before he ambled out of the room, muttering about getting his ass kicked by the Hokage and the Ino-Shika-Cho trio.

Behind him, Ino was complaining something fierce. "Aww, man, I'm paired with a sloth and a dumbass! Why the hell couldn't _I_ be on Sasuke-kun's team instead of Chouji?!" She kept going on and on. Shikamaru simply kept his head down on his desk and tried to sleep. Naruto tried to clear his head of the still remaining images of blood and smiles and knives and laughter.

Luckily, he didn't have to wait long. A man who clearly resembled the old man stepped into the room after about ten minutes of waiting. He wore the standard Jounin outfit, had a well kept goatee, and there was a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Sarutobi Asuma.

"Team Ten, follow me." he said. Ino, Shikamaru and Naruto got up and trailed after Asuma. The Jounin raised his eyebrows.

"Naruto? What are you doing? My team is supposed to be Ino, Shikamaru and Chouji." he pointed out. Naruto sighed.

"Last minute change. I'll explain later." Naruto said shortly. Asuma shrugged before he led his team out through Konoha. Ino complained for the whole walk about not being on Sasuke's team and instead being set up with a couple of losers. Naruto started to get a headache from her high and whiny voice when Asuma finally stopped them in a small knothole in the forest with a large mossy log, a smooth boulder and a tiny branch from Konoha's river. The little niche in the forest was mostly covered by foliage, but speckles of light dotted the ground, giving it a dim greenish light.

'_Wow, this is nice. I'll have to remember to come here when I need some quiet time.' _Naruto noted as he took a seat on the log. Ino situated herself on the boulder and drew her legs up to her chest. Shikamaru laid himself down on the ground and began breathing deeply. Asuma sat down on the other side of the log and crushed his cigarette into the ground.

"Okay, the first step in being a good team means knowing a little bit about your teammates. I'd like you all to share something with all of us individually." Asuma instructed.

"What do you want us to say sensei?" Ino asked in her annoying voice.

"Well, I don't know, what you like, what you don't like, your strengths and weaknesses, what your dream is, you figure it out." Asuma answered. "Shikamaru, you go first."

"Mendokusei..."

"Don't make me kick you Shikamaru." Naruto warned him, surprising both Asuma and Ino. While Asuma wasn't so sure, Ino was surprised to have heard Naruto threaten someone with bodily harm and sound like he meant it. Shikamaru shrugged and took a little breath.

"Nara Shikamaru. I like sleeping, shogi and watching clouds. I dislike troublesome women and having to exert myself. I guess I'm good at planning and outsmarting people, but I'm not very strong or fast. My dream is to be an average shinobi for my whole career." the lazy boy said before he laid his head back down and closed his eyes.

"Okay Ino, you next." Asuma said to the platinum blonde. She took a deep breath.

"I'm Yamanaka Ino. I like flowers, cherry tomatoes and Sasuke-kun! I don't like Forehead girl or ugly people. I'm good at learning things, and I don't have any weaknesses. My dream..." Ino trailed off and started to giggle and blushed madly "is to win Sasuke-kun's heart to prove that I'm better than Forehead girl!" she finished with a squeal that echoed around the forest. Naruto winced; that squeal was loud. Asuma was twisting one of his fingers in his ear and looked as though he didn't believe her when she said she had no weaknesses, although he said nothing.

"Okay Naruto, you're up." he said. Naruto cleared his throat.

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto. I like ramen, training, Sakura-chan and Iruka-sensei. I don't like the three minutes it takes for ramen to cook, jaded idiots and clowns. I'm really strong and I know a couple of really kick-ass jutsu, but I'm a little gullible and although I don't want to say it, I'm not the brightest bulb in the room."

"Yeah, no doubt there." Ino snorted quietly.

"Shut up! My dream is to become Hokage so people will respect me someday!" Naruto pumped his fist into the air. Asuma was quietly assessing his team.

'_Put together, they're pretty well-balanced. Shikamaru's an intelligent guy, but he's pretty lacking in the strength and speed area. Knowing him, right now he'd probably rather be sleeping. Ino's got a good brain on her, not to mention that she can invade other people's brains, but she clearly lied about not having weaknesses. Sasuke's a big distraction for her, and by the look of her, she probably spends one hour training for every five hours spent putting on her makeup._

'_Naruto's definitely the powerhouse of the team. I heard about how he spammed the Kage Bunshin when the scroll was stolen and that they killed Mizuki, but I seriously doubt that. Why would a clone carve up someone's face? Back to the point, it seems Naruto is actually quite cunning, if outwitting ANBU to escape punishment for a practical joke he did is anything to go by.' _Asuma finished his mental assessment and looked seriously at his three charges.

"Well, you all have your strengths, and you all have your weaknesses. Yes Ino, even you. Shikamaru, while very smart, you are severely lacking in strength and speed. Ino, you are slow and weak, if the carefully applied makeup and your build is any clue. Naruto, you are definitely strong, having mastered an A-rank technique from the Forbidden Scroll, Kage Bunshin no jutsu, and although you may not know it, you are quite a bit cleverer than you give yourself credit for. If you were truly dim, would you have been able to steal a document guarded as well as the Forbidden Scroll?" Asuma reasoned. Ino was looking at Naruto with awe, shock, and a small amount of newfound respect for her fellow blonde. Even Shikamaru had raised his head in interest. Naruto was trying not to look too pleased with himself.

"All in all Naruto, you are probably the best-rounded person on this team. As far as I can tell, the only areas you need to improve on are your chakra control, which I have heard is none too great, and learning to use your creativity outside of life or death situations." Asuma praised. Again, Naruto squirmed uncomfortably when all the attention was focused upon him, one gaze in interest, the other in mild envy.

"There is one other thing though," Asuma said, "I would like to know what really happened last night." Ino and Shikamaru's heads went straight back to Naruto, who looked a little unnerved.

"Mizuki was hurting Iruka-sensei so I came out and used the Kage Bunshin on him, and I guess they got carried away." Naruto quickly told the lie he had thought up the previous night. Asuma looked at him stonily.

"If I think I know anything about you Naruto, I think it would be that you are not nasty enough to carve a smile into someone's face and slit their throat." Asuma replied stonily. Shikamaru's eyes had opened just a little bit more and Ino's mouth had fallen open. Naruto was looking downwards, trying to think of a response. After maybe ten seconds of silence, save the rushing whisper of the water, Naruto looked back up at his sensei.

"Could we please save this for later? I don't want to talk about it in front of these two." Naruto asked his sensei, who seemed to understand.

Shikamaru shrugged. He respected Naruto's decision and felt it was best to leave it alone until the blonde felt comfortable telling him about it. Ino however, was not so understanding.

"Why can't you share with us Naruto? Isn't that what teammates are supposed to do?" she asked snootily. Naruto looked ready to retort angrily before he schooled his face.

"It's not that I don't want to tell you Ino, it's just that... I don't trust you enough at this point." he finished. Asuma raised one of his eyebrows at the unexpected and mature answer from the normally childish shinobi. Ino looked a little taken aback as well, all the fire of indignance gone from her pale eyes.

"I mean, how do I know you won't just go blab all of the secrets I tell you to whoever listens? I need to know that you can keep a secret Ino. If you were the type who wouldn't say anything because it wouldn't be worth the effort like Shikamaru here, I would tell you what happened last night in an instant. Once I trust you a little more, then I'll be willing to tell you. Understand?" Naruto asked, raising his eyebrows hopefully at Ino. The other blonde looked a little dumbfounded for a moment before her features softened.

"Sure. Sorry for trying to pry Naruto." she said softly and apologetically.

"Apology accepted." Naruto replied.

"Ahem, well, now that the team drama is out of the way, I can tell you about your test." All eyes were on Asuma.

"Test?" Ino asked.

"The Genin Survival Test that all new teams must pass in order to continue as shinobi. Of the thirty or so that graduated, usually only nine pass the test." Asuma explained. Naruto and Ino gulped nervously. Shikamaru looked on with some manner of seriousness in his face.

"Meet up here tomorrow morning at nine sharp. Oh, you may not want to eat a big breakfast if you're not a fan of vomiting. Ino and Shikamaru, you can go. Naruto, I'd like you to stay for a minute." Asuma said. Ino and Shikamaru got up and gave their sensei a quick bow before going their separate ways. Naruto gulped as he got ready to be grilled.

"I'm not going to ask you what happened last night Naruto; I'd just like to know how or why the teams got switched." Asuma assured his young student. Naruto stood still for a moment.

"The teams got switched because... because... I threatened Iruka-sensei with what happened to Mizuki." Naruto finished in a meager whisper. Asuma's eyes widened.

"I didn't mean it! It was an empty threat! I wouldn't wish what happened to Mizuki on anybody, even Sasuke!" Naruto protested. Asuma still looked irked.

"Threatening anyone with something as cruel as Mizuki's fate is not something to be taken lightly Naruto. I'll let you off with that warning this time." Asuma said sternly. Naruto nodded and quickly left.

'_So Naruto __didn't__ cut Mizuki up, but he can control what __did__ cut Mizuki up. I'll have to report this immediately.' _Asuma thought before he Shunshin'd away.

* * *

It was eight forty-five when Naruto arrived at the little niche in the forest. He quickly scanned the area to ensure that nobody was nearby. He detected no one and discreetly withdrew the playing card from his jacket pocket.

There seemed to be nothing out of the ordinary about it, except for the painted mouth. There were no seals evident on it that would call the Joker directly, nor any kind of indicator. Naruto's brain was starting to hurt when a breeze seemed to come out of nowhere. With the wind drifted an ethereal voice that sent a chill down his spine; a voice that was not quite there; a voice that told him that 'his blood must stain the trinket'. Naruto took that to mean 'wipe blood on the card'.

Naruto quickly bit his thumb, swiped blood over the warped joker's face, laid the card on the ground, ran through the seals and whispered "Kuchiyose no jutsu," before placing his palm on the piece of paper and triggering chakra.

Sure enough, the small streak of blood vanished and the crude painted smile gave off a tiny flash of light before a plume of smoke enshrouded the area. When it cleared, the familiar scarred Joker stood in front of Naruto. He quickly looked around and back at Naruto in puzzlement.

"What-what's the deal kid? There's no one here to fight." the Joker pointed out, looking a little put out that there was no one's face to put a smile on.

"Well actually, I, uh..." Naruto could not help but become afraid in the presence of such an intimidating man. "I was hoping that I could ask you something." he told the crazed summon, who looked a little surprised by such an odd request.

"Not usually what I do, but sure, why not. Ask away Naruto, I got all the time in the world." the Joker said as he sat down on the boulder and got as comfortable as he could. Naruto sat on the middle of the log, wanting to keep some distance between the clown and his face. Somehow, said clown noticed.

"Hey, c'mon Naruto, I'm not gonna hurt you. You were the first guy to bring me back in over five hundred years, and that, _that_ my friend, definitely gets you a by on any harm I may do." the Joker reassured the smaller blonde while pointing at him. As if to compound his statement, he gave a smile that was a little less malicious than his normal psychotic grins. Despite this, Naruto did not feel much better as he edged a little closer to the man.

"Um, thanks, I think." Naruto said.

"What did you wanna know?" the Joker asked. Naruto took a little breath.

"This contract you're part of... what are the summons supposed to be?" Naruto asked. The Joker licked his lips as he thought out the answer.

"Well kid, the scroll you signed the other night is called 'All Manner of Horror' which you've probably figured out by now. I guess the scroll is supposed to call the scariest beings that have ever existed to help you." the Joker reeled off. Naruto felt his face getting paler.

"There are _more_ people like you I can call up?" he asked with no attempt to hide the fear in his voice. The Joker looked intensely at him for a moment before he shook his head.

"Nah. People like me, Naruto, are one of a kind. Another thing you should probably know is that I'm pretty low down on the power chain." the Joker told him.

"Are you _serious_?" Naruto gaped. The Joker's no-nonsense face remained.

"Yeah. I'm just the beginning. I would tell you more, but where's the fun if I spoil it all because you asked me?" The Joker laughed and wheezed for a second while Naruto looked even more scared than the night he had first summoned him.

"I'd love to chat a little more Naruto, but I hear someone coming. Ta ta." the Joker sang with a cheeky little wave before he vanished. No sooner had he left than Ino and Shikamaru happened upon the field.

Morning Ino, Shikamaru." Naruto greeted them as cheerfully as he could. It was made much harder knowing now that his summoning contract had the power to bring forth beings that most likely resided within the deepest circles of hell.

"Morning Naruto." Ino chirped in reply. Shikamaru simply nodded.

"Sensei hasn't turned up yet?" Ino asked.

"Nope. But while he isn't here, we should maybe think about what this test is." Naruto suggested.

"Good plan." Shikamaru said as he sat against the log. Ino placed herself on the boulder again, and Naruto took his place on the grass.

"So what do we go through first?" Naruto asked.

"Well, Iruka-sensei always said that knowing your enemy is the quickest path to victory." Ino pointed out "so we should go over what we know about Asuma-sensei first."

"Well, we know that he's Hokage-sama's son, but that doesn't necessarily mean that we should consider him unbeatable; every man has their weaknesses, but Asuma-sensei is no pushover, otherwise he wouldn't have made it to Jounin." he said. Naruto took in the info over a moment and nodded.

"So right off the bat we can expect him to have a couple dozen tricks up his sleeve." Ino added her two cents. "Tricks that would probably have us on our asses faster than we could blink." she said as an afterthought.

"But this works both ways Ino," Naruto began "because even though Asuma-sensei has his tricks, we've got a couple of surprises as well." Ino nodded a little bit.

"Okay, now we have to figure out what our role is in this test. I can guess off the top of my head that this is going to be some sort of combat test, but with some hidden meaning behind it. That suits us because we're a well-rounded team. Naruto, you are by far the strongest physically here, so if it is a fight, your main role will be to distract sensei. Ino, can you use the Shintenshin no jutsu?" a nod from the blonde to the pineapple-headed boy, "Good. That means you can control him while I trap him with my Kagemane no jutsu after Naruto drives him back or tires him out." Shikamaru finished and quickly reached into his kunai pack. He pulled out three apples and handed one to Ino and Naruto.

"Shikamaru, Asuma-sensei told us not to eat before this test!" she snapped. Shikamaru looked at her calmly.

"No, he said, quote: 'you MAY NOT want to eat a BIG breakfast if you're not a fan of vomiting' unquote." Shikamaru replied. Ino's eyes widened slightly before she took the apple. Naruto refused to take it.

"It'll make you taller."

"GIMME THAT!"

**

* * *

**

From not far away, Asuma was listening to the conversation of his three students. While he could only make out small snatches of it, he felt his respect for them increasing as they hashed out their plan.

'_If they can keep their plan and pull it off, they could very well pass this test.' _he thought. _'Well, I don't want to keep them waiting.' _

**

* * *

Poof.**

"Good morning Shikamaru, Naruto, Ino." he greeted them with a little smile. The three Genin stood up and smiled back.

"I'm not one to sugar coat, so let's get right down to business." he said as he began to stretch his arms and legs.

"Your objective is to incapacitate me, force me to concede defeat, or at least make a decent attempt at defeating me. The one who makes the least successful attempt will be dropped from the program immediately." Asuma instructed them. Two worried glances were shared, along with one that said 'Meet up as soon as the test starts'. None of this went unnoticed by Asuma as he pulled out an alarm clock.

"You will have three hours to complete this test, starting..." here he wound the clock and set it down on the log, "... now!" The three Genin vanished in individual blurs. Asuma stood for a minute before he pulled out a smoke.

'_Knowing Naruto, I probably won't be able to move later if he gets under my guard, let alone smoke.'_

**

* * *

**

The three Genin converged in a large tree just over two hundred metres from their niche in the forest.

"What the hell's the deal?!" Ino began quietly, "Only _two _of us will pass, based on our attempt to beat sensei?! How fair is that? There's no way we could take him one on one and even come _close_ to making him concede defeat!" she hissed.

"... There's gotta be some hidden meaning behind this." Naruto thought out loud.

"Troublesome blondes." Shikamaru muttered to himself, but both of them heard and glared at him.

"The objective of this test is to defeat sensei. What he _didn't_ tell us was _how_ to do it, which was a ruse used to pit the teammates against one another and weed out the weaker or less smart ones. That's looking underneath the underneath for you." he explained as though it were plain as day. Comprehension dawned upon both Naruto and Ino's faces.

"So, we can go ahead with our plan. Hold on a sec..." Naruto stood up and formed a quick seal.

Shikamaru and Ino were almost thrown back by the enormous blast of chakra. As soon as they had they felt shocked, they were immediately immersed in a sea of gaudy orange outfits.

"Okay boys, the team and I need to go polish up our plan a bit. Go beat sensei up for a little bit while we finish up here!"

"HAI!" came an extremely loud collective cry from the clones as they surged off in search of their teacher. Naruto watched them go before he felt the eyes of his teammates on him. "What?" he asked.

"Naruto, what was that?" Ino asked.

"Kage Bunshin. It makes a solid clone of you that can actually deal damage. I learned it when I stole the Forbidden Scroll." Naruto explained.

"How many can you make?"

"Hmm... I really don't know, but I just made more than a hundred. They can only get hit once, so I'd give us about ten, maybe fifteen minutes to get our plan together. Shikamaru?"

"Okay, here's what we're gonna do..."

**

* * *

**

Asuma huffed loudly as he swatted another clone. It flew back into a second and made them both disappear. He whirled around and roundhouse kicked a flying clone, put his kicking leg down and used it to jump into a spinning kick that knocked away two more clones.

He had been minding his own business when dozens, if not hundreds of Naruto clones had converged upon him. If anything, these clones were a distraction to keep him away from the real ones, or simply something to wear him down.

'_Well, they're doing a good job.'_ Asuma grumbled mentally as he clenched his stomach muscles, lessening the pain from a clone's kick before he quickly grabbed its leg and used it like a hammer to smash three more clones. A quick jump kick took out two more. He had to watch out for the kunai thrown in there as well. Even though they were also Kage Bunshin, they were still sharp and they still hurt. Asuma cringed as the small stab wound in his right bicep chose this moment to start stinging again. He was also sporting a couple of scratches from thrown shuriken and other kunai he had avoided after he learned firsthand that they could hurt him.

He didn't want to be worn out for when his students came at him full force. It was time to end this. He flipped through a couple of seals.

"Futon: Shōfuken!" **(Wind Release: Rising Wind Blades. Partially inspired by the wind Ninpo from Ninja Gaiden 2)** He called as he jumped into the air and began to spin, as he released his chakra from all points on his body. Dozens of near invisible wind sickles blasted out from Asuma's body, preceded by a strong gust of wind. The clones were thrown off balance before they were diced by the blades and erased from existence.

Asuma fell back to the ground and made to put his hands on his knees to catch his breath... only to find that he couldn't move. He used all of his effort to turn his head and stare at what caused his lack of motion.

Shikamaru stood in the shadow of a mossy tree, his hand in a seal that allowed his shadow to extend and merge with Asuma's. The Kagemane no jutsu.

"So, the clones were a distraction to mask your approach." Asuma stated. Shikamaru grinned behind his hands.

"You're up Ino." he called. Right on cue, the platinum blonde dropped out of the trees and formed a seal that would trigger her family's basic bloodline jutsu. Asuma started to worry.

'_C'mon Asuma, you can beat this! You've been through situations __way__ tougher than this little one! Think, think, think... yes! The Kagemane no jutsu can't restrict chakra flow! So if I trigger chakra to my lungs...' _Asuma started moving his chakra to his lungs and prepared to escape his little quandary.

"An impressive plan Shikamaru, but there is one thing you failed to take into account:" Asuma pointed out to his young student.

"Oh?" the Nara boy asked, raising one of his eyebrows.

"You didn't take into account the fact that your Kagemane can't stop an enemy's chakra flow." Asuma said before he blew out an immense blast of air that knocked Shikamaru off of his feet and broke the jutsu's hold. Asuma quickly turned his head and blew Ino back into a tree before he ran out of breath. She hit the trunk with a dull thud and fell to the ground where she slumped down, still conscious but clearly in pain. Asuma felt a small pang of regret for hurting his students before he moved to spring away...

Only to be jumped by Naruto. The blonde flew out of the trees like an orange bullet and planted his foot on Asuma's chest, knocking the wind out of the Jounin temporarily. He applied more pressure as he attempted to jump off, but Asuma grabbed him by the ankle and dragged him down as he tried to escape. Naruto slammed face first in the dirt before Asuma let go and made his escape.

**

* * *

**

Naruto groaned as he lifted his torso up and spat out a mouth of dirt. His face felt like all of Sasuke's fangirls had used it for a punching bag, and it probably looked like it too. Naruto wiped a small trickle of blood off of his upper lip and stood up a little unsteadily; that dirt snack had really hurt.

He looked up and saw Ino slouched against a tree with her head down. He quickly hurried over to her and shook her shoulders gently.

"Ino? Ino? You okay? Ino, speak to me!" Naruto called. His fear of her being injured beyond simple pain was abated when she groaned and lifted her head.

"Ugh, owww, that hurts." she groaned. Naruto slung her arm over his shoulder and hoisted her up.

"C'mon, up you get Ino, we've still got a test to finish." he coaxed as she slowly steadied herself. Not far away, Shikamaru was ambling out of the treeline, clutching his left arm.

"You okay Shikamaru?" Naruto asked as the lazy boy approached him.

"I think, ow, my shoulder's dislocated. Hold onto my other shoulder for a second." he said as he grabbed onto Naruto's left arm with his own. Naruto took a hold of Shikamaru's right shoulder as he jerked himself to the right violently, making his shoulder pop back into place with a sickening crack.

"Mf, that's better." Shikamaru said in a small bit of relief as he began rotating his arm. Naruto kept holding Ino up before she said she was alright and stood on her own.

"Nothing broken?" Shikamaru asked.

"Nah, I'm okay, I'm just hurting." Ino said back as she cracked her back a little bit. Shikamaru plopped down on the ground.

"Not a bad first attempt. It would have worked if he were a little more worn out." he mused. Naruto huffed heavily.

"Well then we do it again. We had him going when we tried to beat him; one or two more armies should have him down." Naruto said before he got ready to jump away.

"You guys rest up a little bit, I'm gonna go find him and kick his ass a little bit." he said before he raced off. Shikamaru watched him go with something almost like admiration in his eyes.

"Does he ever run out of juice?"

"I've never seen him down."

"... Mendokusei..."

**

* * *

**

Naruto landed several hundred metres away from Naruto and Shikamaru. Inside of his head, two things occupied his brain.

The former was that, somehow, he knew where Asuma-sensei was hiding the first time. He knew, where to find the Jounin, what moved his clones had used and what technique Asuma-sensei had used to get himself out of trouble, the Futon: Shōfuken.

'_... This must mean that the clones give me all their knowledge when they get killed.'_ Naruto thought, giddy from all of the possibilities that arose from this new information about the Kage Bunshin.

The latter thought was his sense of desperation. He wanted to be a true shinobi badly. So badly that he would do anything to get there.

What his mental uncertainty was about was whether or not he should use 'that'. He kept thinking about it before he eventually caved to his obsession with being a shinobi. He created another hundred or so Kage Bunshin before he bit his thumb and swiped the blood on his hand.

Asuma-sensei was a Jounin, and less likely to be frightened stiff by a guy with a carved up face, some makeup and a creepy laugh. It was time to raise the bar a little bit.

"Kuchiyose no jutsu," Naruto muttered before he pressed his palm against the ground. A large blast of smoke enshrouded the area, accompanied by some foul stench that Naruto could not place to anything he had ever smelled before.

The smoke cleared and Naruto shared a frightened intake of breath with his clones.

In front of him was a being that was clearly not human. It stood at around seven feet tall, or close to it. Its skin was an ugly brownish-black, and was covered in most places by thick and tattered black rags of clothing or black plate armour. A large belt was slung across its waist and held a quiver full of thick arrows and a crude-looking wooden longbow that could likely fire one of those arrows straight through any average human. On the thing's other hip was some sort of cleaver-like weapon forged from black steel and had to be almost a metre long. The blade was rectangular in shape, and had some sort of spine jutting straight up from the end of the unsharpened part of the blade.

The face though... the face was even more frightening than the Joker's.

Its long black hair extended to its upper back in unkempt and dirty locks. The thing's face was the same colour as its skin; an ugly brownish-black, but with a large, ruddy corona around its eyes. Said eyes were beady and a sour-looking yellow, filled with nothing but rage and a fierce hunger for blood. Its nose was flattened and looked almost like an animal's snout as its nostrils flared and shrank, casting a tiny shadow over its black-lipped mouth, filled with rows of jagged and uneven teeth.

Over its face was an inverted symbol. A white hand made of paint.

The creature looked down at the clones and let loose a gurgling snarl. Several of the clones recoiled in sheer terror as the giant monster observed them.

"Who of you ordered me here?" it uttered in an echoing growl. Again resisting the urge to piss himself, Naruto stepped forwards. The creature observed him before it bowed in an unexpected act of respect.

"I am Lurtz, leader of the Uruk-Haï army of Isengard. What would you have me do, summoner?" Lurtz asked quietly. Naruto took a moment to be awed by the situation: The Joker had acted as though Naruto and he were some form of acquaintances where formalities weren't really necessary. Now here, this leader of an Uruk-Haï army was treating him as though he were some sort of wizard with deranged fantasies of ruling a nation.

"Well, um, me and my teammates are trying to pass a test Lurtz. What I want you to do... stand up will you?" he ordered when he noticed that Lurtz was not getting up. The giant monstrosity complied and said nothing, simply gurgled in the back of his throat.

"We need to take someone down. What I want you to do is to go with my clones," here Naruto vaguely indicated the hundreds of copies of himself, "and help them take down our target. But don't kill him though; just, I dunno, beat him up a little bit." Naruto explained. Although the blonde couldn't tell, Lurtz looked a little put out by being denied blood after so many ages of waiting.

"Very well." Lurtz agreed and began to sniff the air.

"Is your target a grown human?" he asked absently as he continued to sniff the air.

"Yes,"

"I can smell him. Let's move!" he barked to the clones as he began running. The hundreds of Narutos looked a little surprised before they darted off after Lurtz.

'_Please don't hurt him too bad.' _Naruto prayed as he went to inform his teammates.

**

* * *

**

"Here we go again," Asuma grumbled as he readied himself for the second bombardment of Naruto clones. He caught and threw the first one that came at him, and using the momentum he had built from his toss, he brought his hands up in a double hammer strike on the second Naruto's chin. He threw a handful of kunai and shuriken into the orange sea surrounding him, taking out about a dozen, but they just kept on coming. Asuma grimaced as he pulled out his trench knives, hoping that the real Naruto wasn't in there somewhere.

While Asuma's view was being blocked by the immense horde of clones, the final few crested the small hill to the north. Mere seconds later, Lurtz's hulking figure slowly ambled over the hilltop, but stopped in the shadow of a tree.

The Uruk-Haï leader could not help but feel some respect for this human as he slaughtered the feeble copies left and right. No matter how many times he was kicked or punched or scratched by his summoner's weapons, he kept on fighting. It was too bad he had to bring down the man. Lurtz gurgled again as he took a hold of his bow and whipped an arrow out of its quiver. He reveled in the satisfying groan of the wood as his bow stretched in anticipation of firing. He lined up his beady eyes with his arrow, waiting for the opportune moment to make a wounding shot. Waiting, waiting, waiting... now!

Lurtz released his hold on the tail end of the arrow. The satisfying _spwee_ of the arrow was music to his ears as the shaft of wood and metal whistled through the air towards its target, nearly invisible to the naked eye.

Asuma had just finished backhanding a clone. He felt confident that the end of this brawl was near when something hit him. Something so strong that it jerked him sideways and almost threw him off his feet. Something that was extremely sharp and causing him a lot of pain.

He grimaced and looked to see a dark arrow sticking out of his shoulder socket. The wound was beginning to trickle blood. Asuma grasped the arrow and began to reach into the puncture to get a hold of the arrowhead. He grunted in pain as the wound gave off painful twinges before he finally managed to wrap one of his fingers around the metal tip and forcefully yank it out. "Agh!" he cried as the arrow ripped free. It was only then that he sensed something coming at him. He raised his left arm just in time to block the overhead strike from some sort of cleaver-like weapon made of black steel. The weapon stopped, but began a slow descent towards Asuma. Gritting his teeth and bringing up his right arm at the expense of large amounts of pain, Asuma stopped the cleaver's descent and got a look at who was using it. What greeted his eyes nearly made his heart stop.

The being before him was clearly not human. Its mottled brownish-black skin was emblazoned with an inverted white hand and its beady yellowish eyes glared into his own as it snarled through pointed and uneven teeth. Asuma closed his eyes as the thing headbutted him hard, sending him reeling back a step. Before he could react in his dizzy haze, the thing clocked him with the butt of its weapon and kicked him in the stomach.

Asuma was down on his knees and clutching his throbbing stomach, waiting for the killing blow to be dealt. He cursed himself for letting his guard down against such an obvious enemy and said a silent goodbye to his love interest, Yuuhi Kurenai, and his other companions and family within the village.

But the killing blow did not come. Instead he merely heard something plodding away. He also realized that the clones had not attacked him either. When he felt his body go stiff and heard the sound of scraping metal, he opened his eyes to find his shadow had been joined by Shikamaru's, and two kunai were being held to his throat by Naruto and Ino. The few remaining clones watched for a couple of seconds before they dispelled themselves, leaving the four crouching there. Asuma was silent for a moment before he managed a tiny smile.

"I concede," he stated. The blondes broke out into grins and Shikamaru allowed his near-perpetual frown to lift.

"That was a well thought out plan you three. Naruto wears me down before Shikamaru captures me and the original Naruto and Ino force me into submission. Simple, but effective." Asuma analyzed. "I think it's safe to say you three passed."

"ALRIGHT!"

"WHOOOO!"

"I'll be off to patch myself up. Meet back in our meeting spot tomorrow so we can start training before we get a mission." Asuma instructed as he was released from Shikamaru's Kagemane no jutsu. He stood up and, clutching his shoulder, bounded off into the trees. Naruto grinned even wider before he looked at his teammates.

"Congrats guys." Naruto said jovially. Shikamaru looked a little puzzled.

"How did Asuma-sensei get that stab wound?" he wondered aloud.

"Oh, one of my clones must've got a kunai into him before we came along." Naruto responded. A little too quickly for Shikamaru to be sure that the blonde boy was honest. Naruto was hiding something. Again, Shikamaru thought it best not to pry and wait for Naruto to tell him on his own accord. Ino didn't seem to notice.

"Well, if you guys don't wanna stay and talk or come with me, I'll be off to grab a bowl of ramen." Naruto said and hopped off before either of them could respond.

'_What is it that you're not telling us Naruto?_

**

* * *

**

Naruto landed not far away from their final battle point. He could smell the inhuman summon around here somewhere.

"Psst! Lurtz! Where are ya?" he asked. He almost jumped out of his skin when he felt someone tap on his shoulder. He whipped around to face the enormous Uruk-Haï leader, white as a sheet.

"You called, summoner?" it asked politely in its hoarse whisper.

"Yeah. What the hell are you still doing here?!" Naruto hissed, looking wildly around "the others could come here and see you any second!"

"You do recall the Joker, correct?" Lurtz asked. Naruto simply nodded. Mentioning the clown had made him feel sick to his stomach, because with the Joker came the horrendous vision of Mizuki lying in a pool of his own blood.

"Then you know you must have this." Lurtz said simply as he held out his open hand. Naruto looked down into it to lay eyes upon a simple golden ring. He hesitantly took a hold of the ring and slipped it onto his left ring finger.

"This will call you back?" Naruto asked.

"Or my masters, if you will it." Lurtz answered.

"Your masters?"

"The beings greater than me. Every one being that you call forth will present you with some sort of trinket to call them or someone related to them to your aid in the future. Some will give you a trinket that can call only them, such as the Joker, as he has no superiors or anyone close to him. Some will give you a trinket that can call a multitude of beings to your help, such as mine." Lurtz explained before he disappeared with a sound that was similar to that of a large mass hitting a pillow.

Naruto remained standing for a moment before he looked down at the ring on his finger. For the second time that day, he heard a voice that was not quite there float along a sudden wind.

'... One Ring... to rule them all...'

**

* * *

**

**End chapter 2! I hope you're pumped for the chapters to come!**

**Again, see my profile for details on my Manhunter Challenge fic!**

**Dirty Reid**


	3. Shadow Ninja

**All Manner of Horror**

**By: Dirty Reid**

**Chapter 3: Shadow Ninja**

**A.N: It's baaaaack! All Manner of Horror returns as dank, dark and gory as ever! I hope you're ready!**

**Oh and BTW, if you haven't guessed already, the chapter titles are clues as to what the main summon will be.**

**If you're scrounging for ideas, please check out the newly ordained 'Plot Bunny Plaza' on my profile. I have several concepts there that are mostly original available for use, but that I don't have time to write.**

* * *

"How did your students fare?" Sarutobi Hiruzen inquired to the ten Jounin in front of him. Seeing as no one was jumping at the opportunity to extol the virtues of their students, Kakashi, on time for once, stepped forwards.

"My team passed, but just barely. Sasuke refuses to acknowledge the fact that he will go nowhere without companions to back him up, Sakura will only follow Sasuke and Chouji is highly uncomfortable entering disputes among teammates. In the end, he managed to convince them to attempt a joint attack on me. While they failed to get a bell, they demonstrated improved performance as a team, however minor, and grasped the concept of needing to work together. In that light, I allowed them to pass." he reported. Hiruzen nodded, taking notes.

Five Jounin reported the failure of their Genin teams before Kurenai spoke up.

"My team performed adequately. They were tasked with trying to find me and engaging me. Almost immediately, Shino noted that they would not be able to measure up to a Jounin's skill level individually, but may stand more of a chance working together. After their joint recon effort, they succeeded in locating me, prompting me to pass them." she declared. Hiruzen took note and dismissed the rookie Jounin. Two others gave their reports of failure before Asuma was the only one left standing.

Hiruzen regarded his son with a cocked eyebrow. There was some sort of gouge wound in his right shoulder socket that was wreathed by blood. A nice bruise was showing up on his forehead and his outfit was rather ruffled, coupled with a few scratches here and there.

"I take it your team passed?" Hiruzen asked, regarding his son's injuries.

"With flying colours," Asuma answered, "their task was to engage and defeat me or at least make a decent attempt. They immediately picked up on the teamwork requirement... well, Shikamaru did... and while they formulated a plan, Naruto distracted me to try and wear me out before they themselves attempted to engage me. They made their first attempt, which almost worked, but I escaped, citing that a real life attempt would not work out all the time.

"Shortly later, Naruto mobbed me with Kage Bunshins again, but this time they had help." Asuma paused, causing his father to frown.

"'Help'?" he repeated. Asuma nodded.

"The Bunshin were aided by some sort of monstrous creature, which shot me through the shoulder with an arrow and beat me down." Asuma reported.

"What did this 'monster' look like?" the Hokage asked, decidedly curious and rather unnerved. Asuma looked upwards pensively for a moment before he formed a seal and immersed himself in a cloud of smoke. When it cleared, Hiruzen's old heart skipped a beat.

Before him stood a large, human-like creature with mottled brownish-black skin and an inverted white hand made of paint emblazoned on its head. Its yellow eyes glared at him as it snarled through sharp, uneven teeth. Its crude black armour was oddly silent as it clenched its fist and growled in an animalistic fashion. Hiruzen felt a bead of sweat begin to form on his head before it disappeared into smoke and left his son in its place. For a moment, they stood silently.

"And this monster did not kill you? Why?" Hiruzen asked.

"It disappeared before striking me down, which ironically, was just before my team showed up and forced me to concede defeat. Do you see a pattern involving these odd circumstances?" Asuma asked. Hiruzen nodded slowly.

"... Yes, it appears that these odd events are following Naruto." he said. Asuma nodded.

"Want me to keep an eye on him? I mean more than I normally do?"

"Yes, I believe that is an appropriate action. Do me proud my son." Hiruzen ordered Asuma, who bowed and exited the office. When all was quiet, Hiruzen looked out of one of his large windows forlornly.

'_Naruto... if it's you that's causing these events... please be careful.'_

* * *

It was the morning following his survival exam that Naruto awoke, feeling restless and edgy. He didn't know why, but he had been feeling that way ever since he had signed his name in blood on the scroll that granted him the aid of the most frightening beings to ever exist.

Naruto flexed his left arm, which he had been seeping on, and noticed something. It was that Ring; that golden band that Lurtz had given him. He wondered why he hadn't removed it. Maybe it was because he was both attracted and repulsed by the Ring; maybe because he felt that it granted him peace, as well as caused him his unrest. Maybe because...

"... My precious..." Naruto hissed. He stared at the Ring in fascination for a moment before he shook his head. _'What the hell was that?' _he asked himself. He thought of it as simply a spur of the moment thing and got out of bed, preparing for his coming day. He was about to start up one of his burners to boil water for ramen when the voice that was not quite there whispered again. It whispered 'Fruit' before fading out like the wind. Naruto remained immobile for a moment, his hand poised to activate the burner, before he looked over to the small bowl of fruit on his counter that had not been there before.

"How did that get there?" Naruto asked aloud as he approached it and looked at the small tag sitting beside it.

_Eating ramen all the time isn't healthy Naruto. Mix up your diet a bit._

_Asuma_

Naruto looked at the small bowl before he casually picked up a banana and started to peel it. Imagine his surprise when he actually enjoyed the herb's taste. He mentally noted that fruit might not be as bad as he thought as he slowly savoured the sweet flesh of the banana.

After he downed the whole banana, Naruto picked up the tag and flipped it over, having noticed darkened spots on the up side.

_Meet at the niche at 9 a.m. for our first mission._

Naruto took 'the niche' to mean their gathering spot and remembered that as he took and finished his shower, got dressed and headed out.

-

"Morning Ino," Naruto greeted his fellow blonde as he entered the niche, five minutes to nine.

"Morning Naruto," Ino returned with a little smile. Shikamaru arrived after two or three minutes had passed, and Asuma appeared almost directly afterwards. He greeted his students warmly before briefing them on their mission. The reactions varied.

Shikamaru let out a sigh. _'I knew I should have just stayed in bed today.'_

Ino shrieked indignantly. "OUR MISSION IS TO PAINT A _FENCE_?! WHAT THE HELL!"

Asuma winced from the volume of her voice. "The purpose of D-rank missions is to improve the level of teamwork amongst the Genin. I know, it's not real shinobi work Ino, but I still don't think you're ready for a true combat situation." he desperately tried to placate the irate blonde girl. He looked over to Naruto, expecting a similar response, but was oddly surprised when he saw a thoughtful look on the kid's face.

"What's on your mind Naruto?" he asked. Naruto looked at his sensei.

"Sensei, are there any restrictions on_ how_ the mission is completed?" he asked. Asuma furrowed his brow at the unusual question.

"Not that I know of, why?" he asked. Naruto grinned and placed his hands in a seal. Seconds later there were thirteen Narutos.

"Where's the fence?" the original asked. Asuma's mouth had fallen open and Shikamaru was looking just a little relieved under that disinterested brick he called a mug.

Ino... Ino was staring at him with the biggest smile on her face he had ever seen; it was making him a little uncomfortable.

"Naruto," she said slowly, in a voice that was oddly light "have I ever told you I love you?"

Naruto cocked one of his eyebrows at the unexpected response. He was silent for a minute before he grinned.

"Everyone loves me." he answered.

* * *

Half an hour after they got to the peeling fence, Naruto dispelled his clones and the clones Henge'd into paint brushes. Ino, Shikamaru and even Asuma looked relieved that they were done so quickly.

"C'mon, I think I hear the sweet song of money smacking against my palm." Naruto told them as he began the trek back towards the Hokage's tower. After collecting their pocket change pay, Asuma guided them back to the niche and insisted that they spar in order to point out their weaknesses. In the end, the Jounin recommended Ino start wearing weights to increase her strength, speed and stamina, prompting a hissy fit from the blonde. Ino complained that it would cause Sasuke to lose interest in her, due to her figure being less delicate. Asuma sternly replied that a delicate frame would be easily broken on a riskier mission, prompting Ino to cave and hobble off to buy some weights.

Shikamaru was ordered to start wearing weights as well, as he was also slow and weak. He did not complain, probably because it would be too troublesome.

He also didn't complain when he was ordered to teach Naruto some basic strategy, as the blonde always relied on brute force to win his battles, rarely taking defensive measures into account.

This was their schedule for the next month: Chore (they refused to call them missions), then a team task of working on their weaknesses. More often than not, that entailed Ino and Shikamaru having to spar against Naruto in a jutsu-less match. In the early stages where both of them were weighed down by twenty extra kilograms (44 pounds) of weight, they lost almost instantly, even with Naruto holding back. But gradually, they began to lose by less. The change was slow, but it was there. When the month was out, Ino could almost bring their match to a standstill and Shikamaru could stand against Naruto for almost five minutes.

Sometimes though, Asuma tasked them with a chakra control exercise. Of the three of them, Naruto needed to practice the most, due to his enormous well. Ino and Shikamaru had little to no trouble with the exercises.

The first exercise was a simple extension of the Academy-specified exercise of keeping a leaf stuck to one's forehead: Keeping a kunai stuck to their palm. Ino and Shikamaru mastered the technique almost instantly, whereas Naruto took several tries, often making the kunai blast away from his hand or simply fall off due to an incorrect flux of chakra.

Stubbornness paid off though: Naruto kept at the exercise for the rest of the day and into the next until he could keep the kunai stuck to his palm. Afterwards, he progressed on to keeping a kunai stuck to both of his palms, which Shikamaru almost had down and Ino had progressed to two kunai per palm. Needless to say, Naruto was feeling a little left in the dust, despite Asuma praising him on doing far better than most of the Genin he had seen.

And all the while, not once did Naruto's mind stray to his horrific scroll. He actually managed to sleep peacefully for the entire month... until one day.

It was a cooler morning with patchy clouds that preceded Team Ten's gathering at the niche. The three Genin had arrived within minutes of each other, and Asuma poofed into existence not a moment after his disciples had all gathered.

"Morning you three," he greeted them with his usual warmth, cancer stick ever present in the corner of his mouth, "today's a big day for you: I managed to get us a C-rank mission."

The reactions varied. Shikamaru did not cheer for not having to do another meaningless chore, but neither did he groan about a more troublesome mission. Naruto jumped for joy, cheering his head off. Ino looked rather surprised and even a little indecisive.

"Something wrong Ino?" Asuma asked. Naruto stopped pumping his fist and turned to her, mirrored by Shikamaru.

"It's just... I don't know, do you really think we're ready for this sensei?" she asked the younger Sarutobi, looking into his eyes with uncertainty. Asuma looked down at her in sympathy, crouching down to look into her eyes.

"You have nothing to worry about Ino," he said softly, "you, Shikamaru and Naruto are one of the finest teams I have ever taught. If any of them could handle a C-rank in such a short time after graduation, it would be you three. And besides, I'll be with you, and I would never let anything happen to you." he reassured them. Ino looked at her sensei with a smile.

"Thanks sensei," she said to him. Asuma smiled back and ushered them off towards the Hokage's office.

* * *

"Good morning Team Ten." Sarutobi Hiruzen greeted his son and his team as they entered the office.

"Morning Hokage-sama," Ino, Asuma and Shikamaru chorused.

"Hey Jiji!" Naruto greeted in his trademarked 'lack of respect for authority' style. Ino looked ready to hit him, Shikamaru didn't care and the father and son Sarutobi shook their head.

"Anyways, now that you are all here, your mission briefing begins. The location of your mission is Sawagakure no Sato **(Village Hidden in the Swamp)**. One week ago, we lost contact with the village for reasons unknown. Your job is to travel to the village and reestablish contact as soon as possible. Although such an issue is not deemed particularly serious, exercise extreme caution, as we are unsure what has caused this fallout. Your time frame is one fortnight. Dismissed." The four bowed and exited the office.

Naruto was quivering in excitement; finally, a chance to test his skills outside of the village!

* * *

Naruto again felt uneasy as he fingered the two items in his pocket; the calling cards of both Lurtz and the Joker never ceased tormenting his nerves. Still, that uneasiness kept him on his toes as they darted through the trees, eastbound towards the Water Country Archipelago, where Sawagakure was located on one of the southernmost isles.

Sawagakure was a very small village, and as the name implied, it was located in a swamp. It often stayed out of its sister village's (Kirigakure) affairs, preferring to remain neutral except in times of conflict. Living in a swamp, its paltry number of shinobi often used that to their advantage, professing in Suiton and Doton jutsu to utilize their muddy environment to their advantage.

Naruto ended his train of thought as he kept up with his team, wondering what could possibly have caused a shinobi village to fall out of contact with the rest of the nation. The thought continued to elude him as they reached the borders of Fire Country, boarded a boat in a small harbour town and set sail for Sawagakure's island.

* * *

The small boat finally hit the rocky shore, and Team Ten quickly exited. The pilot wished them luck and pulled out, leaving the four shinobi alone on the reddened shore. Watching the small fishing boat drive off into the sunset almost seemed akin to part of a movie.

"Enough staring you three, we have a village to get to." Asuma ordered before turning and beginning his sprint over the rough dunes. The four traveled in relative silence, not coming across anything of interest.

'_Shouldn't there be patrols out?' _Naruto wondered.

"Stop!" Asuma commanded, grabbing onto the trunk of a tree to land. Ino and Shikamaru were able to stop immediately because of their weights, and Naruto swung around a branch to stop himself. When he looked upon the scene before him, he almost wished he hadn't.

There were two bodies in the clearing. Their discarded hitai-ate both featured a single horizontal score with three lines branching out, the middle perpendicular to the horizontal, and the outer two bent to the sides. Sawagakure shinobi; Chuunin by the look of the vest on one of the bodies.

The body of the Chuunin wearing the vest was the less desecrated. Its limbs lay at odd angles, clearly broken at multiple points. Its clothing was ripped and frayed, and appeared to be slashed by something with three claws. The slashes were not limited to the Chuunin's clothing, and littered his skin.

The second Chuunin... it was just plain horrible. Seeing that body made Naruto feel even more sickened than seeing the Joker carve up Mizuki's face.

The second Chuunin had been stripped of his clothing and skinned. The bright red flesh and pale muscles shimmered in the weakening evening light, darkened by the presence of flies collecting to feast.

"My Kami," Asuma murmured, looking onto the scene in shock. Shikamaru's usual expression of disinterest had been replaced by one of fear. Ino's eyes were watering and she was paler than usual, looking as though she were about to vomit. Naruto brought his left hand to his head as flashbacks of Mizuki's death night arose from the depths of his mind, almost as clear as actually seeing the events.

"Who could have done this?" Naruto breathed as he jumped down from the tree branch and approached the bodies.

"I don't know," Asuma answered. "No shinobi I've ever read about wrecks corpses to this degree..." he paused to flip through a couple of seals and blew a small stream of flame out of his mouth, incinerating the bodies in an impromptu funeral pyre.

"... Ain't no way for a soldier to die." Shikamaru mumbled just loud enough to be heard. Ino said nothing, preferring to keep her mouth shut.

"Guess this means their radios didn't crap out." Naruto theorized.

"Correct, infidel," a new voice answered. Naruto jumped and turned, kunai in hand. Asuma, Ino and Shikamaru were similarly at ready.

From the growing shadows of the increasingly dank and damp forest came two men. They wore no hitai-ate, ruling them out as shinobi, but that did nothing to discourage the dangerous vibes they were emitting. Both of their heads were shaved bare, and a circle overshadowing a square seemed to have been carved into their foreheads, leaving ugly red scars.

They both wore short black combat robes that did their job of camouflaging the wearers. What stood out was the red cloth belt around their waists, tied with an end hanging loose. The one on the left, who was slightly taller, had a thin strip of red running along his collar, around his sleeves and along the bottom of his robe. There were a couple of tassels on the edge of his belt as well. Whether that was because of a style preference or to denote rank, Naruto didn't know.

What was most intriguing were the weapons the two carried. The man with the simpler robe had a pair of metal gloves on, each with three shiny steel talons, each at least thirty centimetres long and wickedly sharp. The man with the red-rimmed robe and tasseled belt carried a short pole with a two foot blade at each end. Both blades had small spines at the base. If Naruto didn't know any better, he would say that those weapons were for wounding rather than swiftly killing; not that they _couldn't_ swiftly kill someone

"And who, pray tell, are you?" Asuma asked tersely, readying his trench knives. The two men grinned nastily.

"Things like that are not important to dead men." said 'Claws' before he rushed Asuma with alarming speed. Thanks to his intensively honed reflexes, Asuma was able to sidestep the thrust that would have skewered him through the chest and bat the arm away. He lashed out with a roundhouse, but Claws threw his weight backwards, sliding along the ground. He grinned nastily again and charged back at Asuma, beginning a fierce brawl.

'Pole' turned to the Genin and raised his weapon just in time to block a kick from Naruto. He brought it to the side to stop a hook punch and tried to stab the blonde. Naruto leaned to the side and seized the staff, pulling hard and bringing himself forwards to headbutt Pole. The man stumbled back and grunted before he returned the hook punch Naruto had attempted to deliver. His fist smashed into Naruto's cheek, sending the blonde reeling. Naruto prepared to evade the coming blow, but it never came. He looked to his enemy to find him frozen in place, apparently struggling against some unseen force. Naruto looked behind him to see Shikamaru holding a seal, his shadow extended along the ground to easily capture that of Pole's. On cue, Naruto lashed out with his foot and slammed it into Pole's knee. _CRACK _Pole's kneecap shattered and elicited a yell from the cloaked man. As he fell to the ground, Naruto wound his arm back and slammed his fist into Pole's face repeatedly until the man stopped struggling and lay dazed on the ground, blood flowing freely from his nose.

From behind, Shikamaru and Ino watched in shock as Naruto viciously pummeled his enemy. Never in the short time they had known him had he been so vicious to an enemy.

"I wonder what's gotten into him?" Ino murmured. Shikamaru shrugged and was about to not say anything when Claws flew through the air and crumbled to the ground, rumpled and covered in blood. Asuma marched up to them while breathing heavily, scratches littering his clothing and several more along his hands, presumably where Claws had managed to get him while in a deadlock.

"Good job Naruto, Shikamaru," Asuma praised through heavy breaths. Naruto was too busy nursing his throbbing fist to smile at the praise and Shikamaru's mouth just twitched. Ino was holding her hands up to her chest, staring at Claws and Pole then her teammates with a disheartened look on her face, not saying anything.

"Okay, so we beat these guys, what now?" Naruto asked. Claws and Pole looked up at Asuma through bleary eyes, stung with blood.

"Now we coerce some intel out of them so we know who exactly we're dealing with." Asuma answered, "You kids may not wanna be around for this part." he said as he cracked his knuckles and grabbed Claws and Pole by the fronts of their robes.

Naruto was about to turn and walk away when that voice that was not quite there spoke to him again. 'Use us...' it said and his left ring finger grew warm. Naruto looked down to see the golden Ring glowing with a flowing script that was unlike any glyphs he had ever seen before. As soon as he was about to turn his hand to try and take in all of the glyphs, they had vanished. He also felt some sort of warmth from his pocket, clearly a prompt.

"Umm, sensei," Naruto piped up slowly. Asuma shifted his gaze to his blonde student.

"Yes?" he asked. Naruto swallowed nervously, unsure about acting on the suggestions of a voice that wasn't exactly there. But then again, the last time the voice had spoken had prompted a good decision. Granted, it had been on what to eat for breakfast, but a good suggestion was a good suggestion.

"Umm... Maybe I could have a crack at them?" Naruto suggested. Asuma stared at Naruto for a moment, his eyebrows eventually rising into his hairline. Ino and Shikamaru were looking at him strangely.

"_You _want to interrogate them? Do you even know how to interrogate someone Naruto?" Asuma asked. Naruto shrugged.

"No, but I'm sure I could _threaten_ them into telling me what we want to know." Naruto replied, raising his eyebrows as he emphasized the word 'threaten'. Asuma's eyes sparked with recognition as Naruto's cryptic message registers. Shikamaru looked at him shrewdly and Ino looked with confusion.

"... All right." Asuma agreed, shocking both of Naruto's teammates "I'll let you try your hand at interrogation. Don't hesitate to call me if you need me." he said.

"I'll remember that. Although, could I bother you to give me some privacy? I'd like to keep my... um... 'Methods' secret." Naruto asked. Asuma's brow creased at the odd request, but he nodded and led Ino and Shikamaru away.

Naruto quickly created a couple of clones to keep watch, just in case they got suspicious. He turned to Claws and Pole, who were eyeing him arrogantly.

"You truly think you can coerce us into divulging our secrets little boy?" Pole asked mockingly. Naruto was about to blow up in anger at the insult of his talents when he felt the playing card in his pocket give off another warm pulse. Naruto calmed his features and slowly reached into his pocket, drawing the smiling joker card.

"Not me," he began coldly "_we._" he bit his thumb and allowed a small drop of blood to fall onto the playing card before his finger healed. He flashed through the six seals and pressed the card into the ground. A short red flash and a cloud of smoke later, Claws and Pole felt a cold shiver run across their hides as they stared at the grungy purple clothing and hideously disfigured face of the Joker.

For a moment, the painted psychopath was silent, staring at the two men with those creepy, sunken, soulless eyes. He blinked once and turned back to his summoner, who also couldn't help but feel unnerved as he once again faced one of the greatest instillers of fear to ever live.

"Hmm, I- I'm almost starting to think you miss my company kiddo." he croaked in that voice that was somehow casual and disturbing at the same time.

"Sooo, whaddaya need me for this time?" he asked. Naruto sucked in a breath he so dearly needed and looked at the creeped out and bloodied men.

"I need some answers from those two." Naruto explained to the Joker, who had stopped smiling and was listening intently, "Who they are and why they killed those people over there." Naruto pointed to the desecrated bodies of the Sawa nin, drawing the Joker's gaze. In that tiny second of lapse, Claws darted upwards and bowled the Joker over. Said man grunted in surprise and clicked the heel of his shoe on the ground. _Ching_! A short blade popped out the front sole of his shoe, and the Joker drove it into Claws' ribs. The man cried out when the sharp little knife slid into his skin and wedged into one of his ribs before being yanked back out and drawing another dribble of blood. The Joker followed up with a blow to Claws' face, knocking him off and onto the ground.

Naruto wordlessly created four more clones who immediately restrained Claws and Pole. The Joker watched with a small wheeze as he got back up.

"You okay?" Naruto asked.

"Oh yeah, I'm dandy." Joker replied, casually swaggering up to Claws and stopping barely a foot from his face. _Snikt_! Out popped the short blade the Joker had used to carve up Mizuki's face.

"I'll ask you nicely once, seeing as Master over there needs to know," the Joker whispered in a croaky thrum, holding Claws' face with the knife mere inches from his nose.

"Why did you do... um... whatever it is you did?" The Joker asked. Claws was silent for a minute before he moved his head back and spat in the Joker's face.

"Burn in hell, heretic!" he snapped venomously. The Joker blinked before he lowered his knife and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a white handkerchief and gingerly wiped the saliva from his face.

"Now, _that_ wasn't very nice." he scolded Claws before he shoved the balled up handkerchief into the bloody man's mouth, effectively silencing him before he pulled out his knife again.

"Well, since you won't answer my first question, I guess I'll ask you a different one," here the Joker paused to let the gravity of the situation sink in.

"Y'wanna know how I got these scars?"

* * *

Another scream resounded through the forest, making Ino and Shikamaru wince as they stared at the general direction from which they originated. Asuma simply stared at the ground as he smoked his third cigarette that hour.

Whatever Naruto was doing, it certainly seemed effective and he wanted to keep it secret, as evident by the hidden Kage Bunshin guarding the area.

"Man, what could Naruto be doing to get those guys to scream like that?" Ino wondered aloud.

"Mental manipulation?" Shikamaru offered. Ino looked at him strangely.

"Shika, Naruto's not smart enough to manipulate someone mentally." she pointed out.

"Hm, good point... maybe a strip tease?" he voiced. Ino turned green.

"EWWW! Shika, that's gross!" Ino squealed.

"Gay nightmare genjutsu?" Asuma threw in his two cents. Ino looked at her sensei with disgust.

"What the hell is wrong with you people?" she asked. She didn't get a chance to have an answer, due to Naruto jumping down from the trees to land near them.

"Did you get anything out of them?" Asuma asked, sidling closer to Naruto. Ino and Shikamaru followed suit. Naruto shook his head quickly, as though trying to clear it before he spoke up.

"They're followers of Jashin, some sort of evil god that promotes chaos and killing. Now, they tell me that they invaded Sawagakure and took it over because there was something hidden there, some kind of 'Relic of the Holy One that would render them unstoppable.'" Naruto explained.

"Did they say what it was?" Ino asked.

"Not really. No matter how hard I tried to get it out of them, all they would tell me was that it was the 'Hand of God' so whatever it is, it must be pretty badass." Naruto replied. Asuma was nodding slowly.

"Did they say how powerful they were as individuals?" he asked. Naruto scrunched up his face for a second.

"Well, apparently, only the higher up followers are taught how to use chakra in battle. The lower followers are taught how to fight almost the minute they join the following. Apparently the one with the claws was a Minor and the one with the pole and tassels was a Major; the lowest and second lowest rank. They said that anyone above Honour Guard rank, whatever that is, is taught how to use chakra. And that's all I got out of them."

Asuma nodded carefully, "... Right, prepare to retreat." he ordered them.

"Retreat?! Why!?" Ino exclaimed.

"Because of our lack of intel on the situation and the amount of pay sent out by the client, this mission was labeled a C-rank by default. Now that we know a little more about what has actually happened and what we would be up against, I can safely assume that this mission is at least a B-rank, if not an A-rank; far too dangerous for rookie Genin such as you three." Asuma explained. Shikamaru let out a sigh.

"As troublesome as it is to say this sensei, we're past the point of no return." He drawled in that way only he could do that sounded both cool and annoying.

"I'm not sure I know what you're suggesting Shikamaru." Asuma stated evenly.

"We're here on the island and we know what we're up against; why shouldn't we continue with the mission? Those two were relatively easy to defeat, so they could possibly be a reflection of what the higher ranking Jashinists are capable of. And before you say we can't take them," Shikamaru cut Asuma off as he opened his mouth to object, "remember how we took you down during our survival exam. We've improved moderately since then, so we should continue." Shikamaru reasoned. Asuma looked caught up in a mental debate, setting Ino and Naruto on edge as they awaited a verdict.

"... Alright," Asuma finally decided "We'll continue the mission. But if it gets too hot in there, we pull out and let the Jounin or ANBU deal with this. Is that understood?" he asked all commander-type all of a sudden. Naruto was a little bit perturbed by the sudden change.

"Hai!" the three Genin chorused.

"Right. Move out!" Asuma barked, launching himself off into the blue-tinged bog of night.

* * *

It wasn't much later into the night when Team Ten encountered their second obstacle, deep in the swamp.

This time, it was a single Jashinist. He stood almost six feet tall, and unlike the Minor and Major they had encountered earlier, he had a full head of hair that fell down the sides of his face in limp strands. Most of his hair though, was covered up by an ornate helmet emblazoned with that circle-encased square. Like the tassels on the edge of his belt, it was a bright bloody red. A thick band shielded his head, opening up at the front to grant vision and ending in two 'tusks' beside his cheeks. Two wedged strips jutted out from diagonals on the helmet, creating the impression that the man had horns. **(A.N: His mask looks sort of like a Brute Captain's mask from Halo 3, but with an open front.)**

His weapons of choice were a pair of swords unlike anything Naruto had ever seen before. The red-wrapped handles were protected by an extension from the swords, forming a guard around his hands, creating a sharper perversion of brass knuckles. The main blade bodies extended for about sixty centimetres before curving into nasty-looking hooks that could undoubtedly tear flesh from bones **(A.N: If you're having trouble imagining these swords, Google 'Hook Sword')**.

Asuma was immediately on guard. "Stay back you three," he warned them quietly "I'll handle this." He pulled his trench knives out of his pocket, and the Jashinist smirked.

"We assume control over an entire village in search of a holy relic and _this_ is the response we get?" he spat in amusement, "the kids look like they'd soil themselves if there was more than one of me."

Naruto bristled with Ino, while Shikamaru looked unaffected. Asuma said nothing as he flashed out of sight. The man jumped up and tucked his legs in, as Asuma swiped for his abdomen. He landed back on the toppled tree and aimed a punch at Asuma. The Jounin blocked the punch with both hands and winced as metal screeched against metal. He ducked when the Jashinist swung his second hooked sword, spun around and brought both fists up in a position that would have dug the knives into his opponent's ribs. The follower threw himself backwards, crouched and backflipped while extending his leg, knocking Asuma's hands away and making him lose his footing on the log they were standing on. 'Hook' landed and threw himself forwards, barreling into Asuma and sending them both careening into the swamp.

"Sensei!" Ino cried in worry. Naruto was reaching for a kunai when Hook came flying out of the mire, followed by a filthy Asuma.

"Katon: Endan!" **(Fire Release: Flame Bullet) **Asuma grunted, spitting out a glowing ball of fire that roared through the night air and hit Hook dead in the chest.

"Yatta!" Naruto cheered, but his elation was short-lived upon seeing Hook crumble up and fall into chunks of crispy mud. The real Hook flew out of the mire and lunged at them.

Ino managed a weak cry before Hook booted her in the stomach and beaned her with the butt of one of his weapons. She fell to her knees and stilled when Hook crossed his swords and gently laid the hooks on either side of her neck.

"Now, let's settle this quietly. I'll be merciful and give you infidels a choice: Either A, you leave now and I only cut her head off, or B, you stay here, and I kill you all. Which shall it be?" he asked snidely.

"How 'bout 'none of the above'?" Naruto asked as the clone he had created and carefully hidden when the battle was joined jumped from its perch in the moss-laden tree above them and struck the blades away. He tried to slug Hook in the face, but he was quickly dispelled when Hook headbutted him, driving the tusks of his helmet into the clone's face.

Taking the opportunity, Ino backed off and began to slough off her body weights, preparing for a fight. Shikamaru followed suit and removed his weights.

"Thanks Naruto," Ino muttered to her fellow blonde. Naruto grunted in reply.

"Hmm, I'll admit, you got some skills kid," Hook praised him as he cartwheeled to the side to avoid Asuma's kidney shot "but that will not be enough to save you now. Tenton: Tenyu!" **(Heavenly Release: Divine Grace) **Hook's visible skin suddenly seemed to take on a glowing sheen that rippled like water as he moved to re-engage Asuma.

His fighting style had changed drastically. Before, he had been fast and evasive. Now, he was fast and aggressive. His attacks flowed with his speed, forcing Asuma to abandon all of his offensive power to defend against the onslaught of the hooked blades. The mere presence of those hooks made defense all that much trickier, as they could catch on Asuma's blades and cut his hands. Soon, Hook's self-augmenting jutsu gave him the upper hand over Asuma, who was starting to show signs of fatigue. Hook knocked Asuma's right hand away and landed a punch on his chest. The Jounin vest ripped under the pressure and must have hit flesh, as evident by Asuma sucking in air through his teeth. Hook flipped backwards and began to flip through seals; something he hadn't done when triggering the Tenyu.

"Tenton: Ninjobachi," he monotoned after cutting his own finger with his second hook sword.

"Empathy Curse?" Ino echoed, sounding worried. Asuma did not heed the foreboding name of the curse and sliced at Hook's right inner elbow. He cut through the muscle and drew forth a spurt of blood, but yelled in pain when the exact same wound appeared in the exact same place on his own arm, making it fall limp.

"Shit!" Asuma hissed. Shikamaru was thinking something along the same lines.

'_It's clearly some sort of jutsu that creates a bond between the caster and the victim. The catalyst was likely the blood from both victims. We've got to figure out a way to separate him from his swords or incapacitate him without killing him.' _Shikamaru concluded.

"What the hell is this?" Asuma snarled as he clutched his lame arm.

"Not so high and mighty anymore infidel?" Hook sneered as he squeezed the bleeding slash in his arm. Despite his focus on Asuma, he was clearly still aware enough to notice a tendril of shadow creeping towards him. He leaped off of the mire he had somehow been standing on and up onto a tree branch that stuck out of the swamp. The shadow continued to pursue him, much to Shikamaru's ire. Ino saw what the Nara was doing and began to go through a plan of her own. It would certainly cause some grief for Asuma-sensei, but it was a necessary evil.

Hook again finished dodging the creeping shadow and turned his baleful, almost silver eyes to Shikamaru. He wound his right arm back and tossed his sword. For a blade with little aerodynamic structure, it sailed through the air like a throwing axe. Shikamaru, while maintaining his jutsu, had to concentrate greatly and as such, could focus on little else. That didn't mean he couldn't observe his surroundings. Now, he was thinking that he was seriously fucked.

That is, until Naruto stepped in the way of the blade. He held his arms up in front of him as the hook sword flew towards him. With a sick sound of skin breaking and flesh being ripped, the sword's hook tore into his lower right arm and stopped when it hit the bone. The blonde yelled in pain, drawing Hook's attention from his evasion of the creeping shadow. That second of lost focus would cost him the battle.

Hook felt his control over his body come to a sudden end as it assumed a new position. He was able to wrench his head to the side and see his shadow had been ensnared by the lazy looking kid.

"You okay Naruto?" he asked his blonde protector. Said blonde grunted as he gingerly grasped the sword and screamed in pain when he wrenched it out of his arm. "Yeah, I'm just _dandy._" he growled as his arm oozed blood.

"Good. Mind helping me out?" Ino asked as she approached Hook. The Jashinist started to struggle more fiercely, actually succeeding in making it harder for Shikamaru to keep his hold.

"Mendokusei... Today, you two!" he complained. Ino nodded and turned her gaze to Asuma.

"Sorry sensei," she said aloud before she rushed Hook just as Shikamaru released his Kagemane no jutsu and kneed him in the gut. Hook doubled over, and so did Asuma. Ino wasted no time in slamming both of her fists down on the back of his head. Hook fell to the ground and moved no more. Asuma similarly ate a dirt snack, but did not appear to be knocked out. Silence echoed through the dark swamp for almost a minute.

"... Damn," Shikamaru droned.

* * *

It was half an hour or so later that Asuma was able to get up and move. Nothing was broken, but he was still in a great deal of pain; his slashed arm wasn't helping matters either. Ino, having learned some knowledge of shinobi medical field practices from her mother, stepped up and bandaged the wound as best she could. Luckily, she patched him up well enough that he would heal within time.

"We'll set up camp here and move out once I've healed up." Asuma commanded, prompting his students to unpack the scrolls Asuma had taught them how to seal things in. Four plumes of smoke later, their sleeping bags were ready.

"I'll take first watch." Asuma stated, "Followed by Ino, then Shikamaru, then Naruto to finish the night. At dawn, we move." Asuma took a quick leap into a warped tree and made himself comfortable. The rest of Team Ten nestled deep into their sleeping bags and rested in preparation for the confrontation to come.

* * *

Naruto opened his eyes to darkness. No matter where he looked, he could see nothing; not even his own hand in front of his face.

'_Where the hell am I?' _he wondered, trepidation growing as the temperature around him dipped noticeably.

'... Narutooo...' There it was! That silky voice that was not quite there! Naruto turned to the direction he thought he heard the voice originate from and slowly began to walk.

As he walked, the voice slid through the darkness again. As he tracked it further across the apparently flat plane he was walking on, Naruto was able to hear it more clearly. It felt... Naruto couldn't describe how the voice sounded or made him feel.

It sounded both soothing, like a mother cooing to her baby, and sickly sweet like that of a she-devil promising him the fulfillment of lustful dreams. It was soft yet coarse; calming yet unnerving; familiar yet alien, the list went on.

What Naruto knew for sure was that it was growing louder. As he continued to walk forwards, while it called to him less, it called him more clearly. Its frequency finally decreased enough so that Naruto believed it had stopped.

"... Hello?" Naruto called after a pregnant pause, clapping his hand over his mouth when his voice echoed soundly about him. He listened for a moment, hearing nothing... but...

A breeze had begun to whisper. The way the feeble wind eddied across his hide and through his clothing made Naruto's skin crawl. Eventually it started to fade, but there was still a sound present. It sounded like sand against sand combined with someone blowing into a wind instrument too large for a human to make a sound with.

When the sound made the hairs on his neck stand up, Naruto looked to his left and saw a tiny white sphere glowing in the distance. He was slightly alarmed at how fast it was growing, indicating that it was coming at him. Once it got close enough to observe, Naruto paled.

It wasn't a sphere of light. It was a skull made out of near corporeal ivory smoke, and _it_ was making the sound, which now sounded like a ghostly moan because of its source.

As it approached, Naruto screamed a high, terrified note until the smoke skull was upon him, its gaping mouth enveloping his face. As his vision turned white and numbness swept through him, Naruto did manage to catch a glimpse of something:

It was a barely lit stone hall with hundreds of disfigured pillars lining it, ending with a circular exit off in the distance. Outside was a blanket of yellow, orange and red...

* * *

Naruto darted up out of his sleeping bag, sweating and breathing hard. His face was pale and his pupils were fully dilated.

"Naruto?" Shikamaru asked listlessly "It's your turn." he stated as he got into his bag and fell asleep, not even bothering to ask what was wrong. Knowing he wouldn't get Shikamaru to ask unless he pestered him, Naruto slowly sloughed off his sleeping bag and found a small spot on a twisted tree that was comfortable enough to sit on. As he kept his senses working to try and detect any interlopers, his mind began to wander back to that dream. After an hour of silence, he toyed with the idea of calling forth one of his terrifying summons and asking them if they knew anything about the dream. After some thought, he decided against it; the Joker hadn't been all too happy when he had been summoned to be asked a question, and he didn't want to take the risk of having someone like Lurtz or worse being pissed at him.

'_It's gonna be a _long_ night.' _Naruto mumbled inwardly.

True to his thoughts, time seemed to have slowed to a crawl for his watch. A single minute stretched into an hour; an hour melted into a day; and his watch until dawn was almost a lifetime.

Ino stretched as she wiggled out of her sleeping bag, taking a moment to eye the horizon. Her eyes lingered a second longer on Naruto, who was sitting stone still and staring straight ahead.

"Naruto?" she asked uncertainly, receiving no answer. She curiously got up and closed the distance between them, placing her right hand on his left shoulder. He jolted upwards with a little cry of surprise and he turned his head to Ino, causing her eyes to widen.

Naruto's face was ghostly white and his eyes were bloodshot with shrunken pupils.

"What's happened to you?" she breathed. Naruto cocked one of his eyebrows and appeared to think for a second before recognition shone through.

"Oh, yeah, I didn't sleep very well last night Ino. Had a lotta nightmares." Naruto answered as he rubbed is eyes and took a deep breath.

"Will you be okay?" she asked with a worried look. Well, that, or she was a better actor than he gave her credit for.

"I'll be fine Ino. Why are you worried about someone like _me_ anyways?" he asked a little too nastily. Ino didn't seem to be offended by it. In fact, she looked rather thoughtful as she closed the distance between them and, to Naruto's shock, wrapped him up in a friendly embrace.

"Because," she said softly "you may be a jumpy idiot, but you're my friend and teammate. It's our job to look out for each other, so why shouldn't I be worried?" Naruto felt his surprise and confusion ebb away as he slowly lifted his shaky arms to place them on the middle of her back. The hug had thrown him for a loop, as he was not used to regular gentle human contact. Cherished seconds later, Ino withdrew from Naruto's arms and gave him a mellow smile, which was slowly mirrored onto his face.

"C'mon, let's kick Shika awake and get moving." she giggled. A faint _thud_, several monotoned complaints and a chuckle from Asuma later, and they were rolling out.

* * *

Finding Sawa was no easy task. Unlike most of the other shinobi villages, it was far less frequented by outsiders. With the exception of Kirigakure and possibly some of the Lesser Villages, Sawagakure was by far one of the hardest villages to find. A rippling layer of foul miasma swelled up around the island's core, often making it very easy to wind up running in circles. Add quicksand, quagmire and hundreds of extremely nasty local alligators, and Sawagakure could be classified as a trip through hell.

But after many hours of grueling swamp-trekking, a few times getting lost and a couple of gator attacks, Team Ten made it to the outskirts of Sawa.

"... Whoa..." was all Naruto could say as he gazed at the village before him.

"I'll say," Ino agreed while she craned her neck back.

The trees immediately went from large to absolutely tremendous. The one hundred footers were among the shorter growths and almost completely shrouded by the pale brown miasma. Those trees that were near double that didn't have tops or branches that could be seen.

At the base of each foreseeable tree, there were doors carved into them and window-shaped openings cut out of their trunks further up. Wooden bridges, both suspended and solid, joined the tremendous tree homes. Looking back as far as they could, which was not very far back, they spotted several wood and brick structures supported by fallen tree branches and vines and woven moss hanging from the larger trunks or canopy.

"Amazing, isn't it?" Asuma asked. "More admiring later. Now, we need to get to higher ground and figure out where those lunatics are keeping prisoners, if at all." He moved for the nearest tree, whose canopy was obscured by the miasma, and began to climb it. The three Genin followed suit, keeping an eye on their surroundings just in case those cultist psychos knew they were here. In silence, they reached the first window and crept silently up the stairs, the artistically crafted and chiseled heartwood remaining silent as they ascended the enormous tree.

"Stop!" Asuma hissed, holding up his fist. Hs reason for halting them came in the form of a black-clad Jashinist strutting across a bridge not far above them. His robe had red running along the hems of his robe and sleeves, along with tassels on his sash and sleeves, putting him at a rank greater than Major. This one carried a simple double-edged short sword.

"Patrols," Naruto whispered.

"There must be survivors, or they know we're here." Shikamaru added. "We'll have to be careful."

The presence of Jashinist patrols significantly slowed down Team Ten's progress through Sawagakure, but in a way, the patrols also helped them. As they encountered patrols with more than one member and more often, they knew that they were getting closer to their objective. Every now and then they came close to being caught by a patrol, or their cover was blown. But with a quick slash from Asuma or a horde of Naruto clones, the patrols quickly had their throats slit or got thrown off wherever they were standing and into the swampy abyss below.

"I need to stop for a moment," Ino complained, plopping down on the hard branch they were situated on. She flopped down onto her back and let out a breath she seemed to have been holding.

"What's wrong?" Naruto asked.

"All this sneaking about and not getting anywhere is getting to me," she answered. Her blue eyes shifted over to Asuma and took on a glazed quality as he lit up a cigarette.

"Hey sensei," Ino began, getting Asuma's attention "hook me up." she finished, surprising the Jounin enough so that the fag fell from his mouth.

"What?" he asked "since when do you smoke Ino?"

"I don't," she returned "but I need to cool off a little, so cough up." she demanded the cigarette more than asked for it, holding her open palm out. Asuma paused for a moment, unsure of whether or not to grant his student's request. When Ino's upper lip began to twitch dangerously, signaling a potentially cover-blowing snap, he quickly pulled a white stick out and handed it to her before flicking his thumb. A small flame flickered just above his nail and he held it under her cigarette. Ino waited until the end was smoldering and Asuma withdrew his thumb before she placed it between her teeth. The lit end grew bright as Ino inhaled deeply before removing the cigarette from her mouth and blowing out a cloud of grey-blue smoke.

"Ahh, that's better." Ino sighed, taking another drag. Asuma and Shikamaru looked at her shrewdly while Naruto scratched his chin.

"Okay Ino, spill. You haven't coughed once, complained about smoking being bad for you, or said anything about how it'll make Sasuke not like you. Have you smoked before?" Asuma asked. Ino looked at him blankly for a second, letting smoke ooze out of her nose.

"Okay, okay, sheesh. I was eleven and I'd just flunked a test, got in a yelling match with Sakura, had to deal with Ami, and I tripped and skinned my knees. I got back and my dad had left a pack of em' out. I thought 'what the hell' and tried one. Worked out horribly, I ended up burning my lungs and couldn't stop coughing up blood for an hour. Couple weeks later I had another bad day and I tried again." Here Ino paused to take another drag and tap the ashes off the end. Her cigarette was about a quarter done at this point.

"I actually managed to do it without hurting myself that time. Since then, I usually smoke on a bad day or when I'm really stressed out. Usually means I go through a pack every month or so. You three are the first people who know that I smoke." Ino tapped her burning stick again and looked over at the two boys, holding it out between her two fingers and raising an eyebrow, silently asking them if they wanted a drag. Neither accepted.

"Suit yourselves," she shrugged and took one last breath in before dropping the nearly finished cigarette onto the branch and crushing it with her foot.

"What exactly are we looking for?" Shikamaru asked.

"Hmm, well, based on who we're dealing with and what they're looking for, I would think that we'd be looking for some sort of museum or temple." Asuma rationalized "But I don't think it's safe to split up to look for this place, so finding it will probably take a while."

"Maybe not..." Shikamaru pointed down and to his right, prompting the rest of his team to look. What he had been pointing at was another black-robed Jashinist carrying a bladed pole identical to the Major they had fought and interrogated earlier. He was running full tilt across the downed branches and roots of the swamp below, heading deeper and deeper into the mire.

"You think he's heading for the gathering place?" Asuma asked.

"Only one way to know," Ino answered for Shika, darting down the branch's length and leaping to a nearby tree, followed by the rest of her team.

* * *

"Looks like you were right again Shikamaru," Asuma admitted a little sourly.

They had followed the Major through the treacherous terrain as best they could, encountering many more patrols along the way, thus solidifying Shikamaru's theory that they were getting closer to the Jashinist hub. Maybe fifteen minutes later, they had come upon an immense stone and wood temple that seemed to emerge from the swamp itself. The temple seemed to be in a state of disrepair if the scaffolding enclosing it was any indicator. Where ornate tapestries pledging allegiance to Kami or various other Shinto deities once hung had been roughly hewn and supplanted by vivid, alizarin banners bearing a sphere encapsulating a square; the symbol of Jashin.

It was then that Team Ten eyed a pair of the cultists, both wearing helmets similar to Hook's, escorting a chain gang of people who were likely members of the village. Said chain gang was carrying loads of bricks, wood and building supplies.

"They're converting the temple to a Jashinist one." Naruto stated quietly.

"And they're making the prisoners do it for them." Ino added, growling silently when the Jashinist following the chain gang cracked a whip and yelled at the 'infidels' to work faster.

"Time for a jailbreak," Shikamaru threw in his two ryou. Three pairs of eyes turned to him. "What?" he asked.

"Shikamaru... did you just make a joke?" Naruto asked.

"Maybe, why?"

"Just curious,"

"Okay."

"Enough chatting, we need to get down there and spring the shinobi prisoners. Maybe then we won't have such a hard time." Asuma ordered as they proceeded to move out as stealthily as possible.

Unfortunately for Team Ten, Murphy had been having a bad day and was enforcing his Law to the max. They were caught and surrounded within five minutes of trying to approach the first chain gang.

"We are _so_ screwed." Ino grumbled bitterly. True, they had been able to take out Hook, who was either an Honour Guard or above, but there was only one of him. They had been intercepted by no less than a dozen cultists, ranging from Minor to Honour Guard or above, if their states of dress were anything to go by.

"If we don't get out of this," Asuma said solemnly "It's been an honour serving with you three."

That statement made Naruto swallow nervously. If Asuma-sensei was feeling doubtful about the situation, they had a very slim chance of emerging from this mess alive, much less successful. How he wished for some sort of divine intervention at this point.

'We are here,' that voice again! It whispered through his head, seeming to be silent amongst his teammates and sensei. Once the echo faded to nothingness and the Jashinists were getting ready to close in, Naruto felt a warm pulse from his glowing ring and the card in his pocket.

'_No! I won't do it! What will my team think of me if I summon something so evil? They'll think _I'm _evil, turn their backs and leave me! I won't do it!' _he yelled to the voice, to which he heard no reply, only infuriating him more.

But he looked at the murderous cultists surrounding them, each licking their lips or handling their weapons fondly and felt his heart race faster as he became even more terrified. This was the end of the road for him; an end that had granted him thirteen years solace before stopping short and whisking him off to hell; a grisly end where he went out being slaughtered by religious nuts, and on his first foray outside of the village. The only thing that made it worse was the guilt of knowing he had brought others to their doom with him.

Of all the things he feared in life, the one thing Naruto placed above all others was the end of it. To be lying helpless as the Shinigami drifted towards the scent of a mortal clinging to its last thread of life, only to have the deity cut the thread and claim its soul. Naruto had lost sleep for many nights as he dreaded that day where he would finally leave the mortal coil.

'_I don't want to use those summons again, but if I don't, then... I have no choice. I have to use it.'_ Naruto resigned himself to the lesser of his two fears and bit his thumb.

"What are you doing infidel? There is no way out for you and your godless heathens!" One of the Jashinists spat. He was clad in the standard black and red-rimmed robe, but he wore intricately carved shoulder and chest pieces, as well as an open-fronted helmet with a pair of horns. He carried a pair of small war hammers.

"I'm calling in the cavalry!" Naruto declared as he finished his hand signs "Kuchiyose no jutsu!" he slammed his hand into the ground, pouring a tremendous amount of chakra into the jutsu and generating an array of inky seals, accompanying a blaze of opaque mist.

"Get them!" the same Jashinist yelled, charging in and raising his hammers, not bothering to look closer at the mist as a hulking figure rose from it.

He raised his left war hammer and was about to bring it down on whatever had been summoned. He did not expect an arm as thick as a small tree trunk to grab his lower arm with an almost unimaginable amount of force. He winced and then screamed when the hulking arm yanked hard, tearing it clean off of his body with a sickening snap and a long squirt of glistening blood. He doubled over and flew backwards when a leg, presumably belonging to the same being as the arm, planted itself in his stomach with the force of a charging rhino.

The advancing fanatics gave pause as whatever was within the mist made short work of a Captain. Team Ten were all watching as the chakra mist lifted to grace the shinobi and fanatics with a disturbing view.

The summon was quite large. Naruto could immediately tell it was shorter than Lurtz and taller than the Joker, but its breadth was greater than either of the two. Starting at its feet, Naruto noted that it wore light combat boots that extended to its upper shin. The boots gave way to ballooning dark brown pants with a design of thick golden spider webs originating from its knees. It wore a light vest, bearing a similar design, but originating from the collar. Thick grey plates with golden studs and erratic carvings protected its muscular arms. Naruto felt his stomach churn just a little bit when he got a look at the summon's spotted grey skin.

It turned itself around and stared down at Naruto. It wore some sort of hood that covered the rear half of its large head. Six large tangerine orbs arranged in a bowl pattern dotted its forehead, the fringe orbs being the largest and the inner orbs being the smallest. Its eyes, sunken into the grey flesh, were an identical hue. Its lower face was covered by a mask/veil with a golden, almost tribal marking on it. Looking closer, Naruto figured it to be some sort of spider.

"Who dares summon me?" the figure asked in a male voice. The tone was rough and vibrating, and Naruto could have sworn he heard another voice overlapping it, almost a synthesized sound.

"I do," he managed weakly. The Jashinists seemed as dumbstruck as his team. The grey summon blinked its vibrant eyes and lowered its head.

"Speak your name, summoner." he said in that creepy, multi-voice.

"U-Uzumaki Naruto," The blonde answered. It blinked and raised its head.

"I am Shadow Ninja Rasetsu of the Black Spider Ninja Clan, ready to obey your command." Rasetsu recited, bowing his head.

"Can you... help us get rid of these guys?" Naruto asked. Rasetsu raised his head.

"Yessss," he hissed before whirling about and launching himself into battle. Naruto was surprised that such a large man could move so quickly, but did not dwell on the matter as he turned to his comrades.

"Ino, Shikamaru, you stay near sensei, Rasetsu and I can handle ourselves!" Naruto ordered them as he charged off after his summon. The two Genin did not have time to muster an indignant response, having to concentrate on sloughing off their weights and sidestepping a scythe and a pair of claws respectively before laying a beating upon the offending fanatics or defending themselves.

Asuma, equipped with his trusty trench knives, ducked a slice from a katana and countered with a punch. His opponent doubled over as the small blade cut through his gi and into his flesh, and fell backwards with a kick to the jaw. Asuma let his foot fall to the ground, using it to lurch his body out of the way of the cutting edge of some sort of oddly-shaped stave. He lashed out and took hold of the staff before yanking on it, pulling its wielder (clad in the battle robe and with a set of three-plated shoulder armour) off balance before kicking him in the face. He yanked the stave away, spinning it above his head before striking a third Jashinist with it like an axe, piercing flesh with the almost fish-shaped blade.

Ino ducked under a clawed swipe from a Minor, lashing out with a quick jab to the solar plexus. As soon as the Minor paused, she took his head in a vice grip and brought it down on her knee. Something cracked loudly and the victim began to scream in pain. Ino threw her body around and landed a solid left hook on another enemy. Her kinetic energy kept her moving and allowed her to flow into a side kick, planting it on the target's chest before executing a butterfly jump to evade a new attacker.

If there was one thing the Yamanaka family kept secret, it was a seldom taught form of combat, passed down the female line only. The teachings from mother/mother-in-law to daughter/daughter-in-law were rigorous and difficult to grasp, let alone master. But those female Yamanaka who did prosper from their teachings left their marks on the history of Konoha. Such names were Yamanaka Niago, Yamanaka Yaezakura, and little did she know it, but Yamanaka Ino would soon place her name on that list:

The Yamanaka list of Dehodai **(Free Flow)** mistresses.

The Dehodai was a perversion of some style originating from the Western Beyond, almost a combination of freerunning and freestyle taijutsu. It relied heavily on being able to build up speed while engaged in combat, maintain it, and still be able to attack the enemy clearly and efficiently. In total, it had gotten more Yamanaka women killed than glorified, due to the lack of knowledge pertaining to the physics behind the style. Ino though, knowing the dangers of a flawed fighting style, had put her nose to the grindstone, feet to the firepit, and delved into her studies of the Dehodai. Here she was, seven years after her first lesson, and kicking religious fanatic ass.

Shikamaru sighed as he used his shadow to bind the motions of another cultist, using his new extension and the scythe that came with it. His powers had confused the fanatics, and left them unaware of what would happen if one of their brethren got caught by the master strategist. Knowing it was not he who had cut down the other fanatics made Shikamaru feel less guilty about taking lives.

Not too far away, a follower felt his skull cave in as Rasetsu's fist rammed down on it. The enormous summon turned its arm to block a slice from an axe, bending his arm at the elbow and extending it in a super-powered pimp slap. He jumped up and tucked his legs in, avoiding getting his legs getting busted by a large warhammer. The hammer's wielder took a moment to stop the missed swing, leaving him open for Naruto to punch him in the gut and slam his foot into the hammer user's knee, effectively shattering the kneecap and bending the offending leg the wrong way. Naruto moved forwards just in time to avoid getting split down the middle by a rune-emblazoned nodachi. The tip of the long blade sliced through Naruto's orange jacket and tickled his skin as it split a few seams along his black shirt. The blonde cursed and wheeled about, blindly flinging a kunai at the Jashinist, hitting him in the right pectoral. As he turned his attention to a new challenger, Rasetsu kicked the knifed Jashinist in the back, sending him flying into a group of three.

At first, they were doing well against the scattered cultists. Soon though, even the dull Naruto started to notice that they were beginning to move in a pattern, flanking the two groups and forcing them towards a small space. They did their best to avoid falling for the manoeuvere being executed, but the cultists countered their every attempt to escape.

* * *

"I think it's safe to say that we're euchred." Shikamaru drawled as he stared at the force before him. As soon as he, Asuma-sensei, Ino, Naruto and Rasetsu had been forced into a corner like rats, the lower ranked fighters had backed off to be supplanted by ones that were clearly Honour Guards or greater. Their robes were highly decorated, they wore breastplates _and _helmets, their weapons were outlandish or ornate, and they had discernable chakra signatures.

From the left side of the group of five, Rasetsu gave a raspy chuckle.

"Oh, ye of little faith," he murmured audibly while shaking his head, causing his veil to sway.

"What was that?" Ino snapped, wishing she had a cigarette right about now.

"There is one thing you humans never seem to learn," Rasetsu said simply as he reached up for his veil and tugged it off. Team Ten gaped in shock or made noises of disgust when Rasetsu's full face was revealed. His mouth looked like an ordinary mouth, but his lips were replaced by a pair of upper and lower mandibles. A set of quadruple-hinged mandibles ringed Rasetsu's inner mandibles, each tipped with a sharp-looking fang. Even the Jashinists winced, recoiled or exclaimed in disgust.

In their moment of hesitation, Rasetsu sprang directly upwards and curled himself into a ball. As he started to spin, pale lavender light enveloped him and shone brightly, blinding those who looked at it for a moment.

Naruto shielded his eyes as he looked up and lowered his hand when the light died. In Rasetsu's place was a growling... something. It stopped spinning, 'unhinged' and fell back to the ground.

Team Ten recoiled or cried out in alarm as they bore witness to the enormous monster Naruto had called forth. As Rasetsu righted himself, the cultists and Konoha shinobi were allowed a better look at the summon.

Rasetsu was large before, but he was huge now. His vest was gone, exposing his grey hide for all the world to view. From his back, four gargantuan arms grew. They were littered with dozens upon dozens of nasty-looking spines, and each appendage ended in a two-foot claw that was yanked from the dirt, uneven and serrated enough to cause massive damage. His hands now ended in three lengthy claws that could undoubtedly tear foes apart.

'_Black Spider Ninja Clan indeed,' _Naruto said inwardly.

"**Fear is the most powerful force in existence." **the demonic spider-man finished his sentence and, faster than the Genin could track, lanced out with one of his spider arms and skewered a flail-wielding follower. As the others snapped out of their dazes upon seeing the demonic man kill one of their brethren so easily, Rasetsu skewered three others and slashed a fourth. As the Jashinists regained their fighting spirit, Rasetsu roared loudly and kicked a younger follower in front of him. Said broken bag of flesh rocketed backwards and slammed into several of his fellows, breaking them as well. Finally, all of the fanatics had raised their weapons and some were preparing chakra-based attacks with the intent of cutting Rasetsu down. Unfortunately for them, the spider-man had another couple of tricks up his sleeve.

He roared again as he raised his spider arms above his head and held the claws together. A soft purple light began to shine, crackling with electric filaments. Rasetsu grunted as he swung one of his arms, unleashing a white crescent of energy that sliced clean through six Jashinists. He repeated the process three more times, cutting down the remaining forces drastically. After ending his attack, Rasetsu glared at the remaining eight or nine Jashinists with all of his eyes, rumbling lowly. They dropped their weapons and ran away screaming. Team Ten watched them go, dumbstruck.

"Huh," Naruto said after a moment, "he was right: Fear _is_ the most powerful weapon in existence." Rasetsu turned to him, his claws making dull crunching noises in the dirt.

"**Your arm, Master," **Rasetsu ordered, holding out his clawed hand. Naruto, knowing what was coming, offered Rasetsu his right arm. The demon man took it within his claws, reared back and bit him. Naruto cried out in pain and his teammates got ready to incapacitate Rasetsu. But as soon as he bit down, Rasetsu pulled away and released Naruto's throbbing arm. The blonde looked down at the bite marks, black in colour, wincing as his arm healed instantly, but the two black spots remained. To his and his team's shock, the black spots slithered towards each other, coalescing into one blotch before taking shape and changing colour.

When it finished shifting, Naruto took note of the new 'tattoo' on the inner side of his lower right arm. It looked like a multi-coloured compass rose about an inch in diameter; four spearheads converging from one point, all perpendicular to each other. The colours were a bright bloody crimson (North), a vivid electric blue (East), gleaming ivory (South) and fiery orange (West).

'_Wonder who this'll call forth,' _Naruto wondered silently, turning to meet the eight orange eyes of the Shadow Ninja.

"Thank you Rasetsu, you may go now." Naruto informed the terrifying creature.

"**As you wish, Master..." **Rasetsu bowed his head and faded from sight.

For a moment, the swamp and temple were utterly silent.

"Okay Naruto," Asuma broke the silence with an authorative tone "I want you to explain what that just was." he ordered. Ino and Shikamaru looked at him in interest. Naruto's eyes darted to his fellow Genin, resigning himself to his situation when he saw no way out.

"Okay, okay... You all remember how Mizuki-sensei's face was carved up, right?" he asked, prompting three nods. "Well, I lied when I say my Kage Bunshin did it. And Asuma-sensei, that thing that beat you up during our Genin Exam?" Asuma gave a nod that clearly said 'go on'.

"Well, those weren't just random things. You see, on the night Mizuki died after tricking me into stealing the Forbidden Scroll, he was about to kill Iruka-sensei and I was desperate. I remembered that I had seen a sealing script on the Forbidden Scroll, so I unsealed it. It was a blank summoning contract, and I thought that any help was better than none. When I signed it and summoned something to help me and Iruka-sensei, I didn't know what I was getting into." Here, Naruto paused to take a breath and pulled the playing card out of his pocket, allowing Asuma, Ino and Shikamaru to take a look at it.

"Only after summoning the Joker did I learn what I had made a contract with: A contract that lets me summon the most terrifying beings to ever exist." Naruto finished, the explanation sending an unnatural chill down the spine of everyone present. He held up his left hand to reveal the golden Ring.

"So far, each summon has left me a trinket to call forth them specifically, or someone... um, I guess 'related' to them, who is more powerful." Naruto explained. The Genin were a little frightened and Asuma had a hard look on his face.

"How many have you summoned?" Ino asked. Her already alabaster skin was a little paler.

"The Joker," Naruto held up the playing card "Lurtz of Isengard," Naruto showed her the Ring "and Rasetsu." he turned his arm to show them the 'compass rose'. "They're the only three I've summoned, but based on what the Joker told me, there could be hundreds of them." he elaborated. His team was dumbstruck.

"That's enough about the summons though, we need to free the prisoners and find this 'Hand of God'."

* * *

"So... this is it." Ino stated quietly as she, the rest of her team and the freed Sawa survivors stared at the object before her.

When they had been told an artifact was 'The Hand of God' they assumed it would be something of grandeur. An ivory gauntlet with golden trim and jewels, perhaps. What they saw before them was far from grand or godlike.

It was a chainmail gauntlet, grey and almost rusty. The fingers housed large, claw-like attachments that, while dull-looking, could easily rend flesh from bone. At the open end of the gauntlet were eight nasty-looking hooks, arranged in an octagon.

"Guess I wasn't the only one expecting something awe-inspiring." Asuma added. Shikamaru grunted.

Naruto though...

The blonde was staring off into space, something more pressing having drawn his attention.

He stood in a tremendous room, filled with ankle-high bilge water. The walls were dull and coated with grime, allowing ooze and water to trickle from them. At the back end of the room were immense bars, connected to a gate frame. Over what would be the padlock was a bright slip of white paper with the word 'Seal' written on it.

'_What the hell is this?'_ Naruto wondered and promptly clamped his hands over his mouth when those words reverberated around the room, unnaturally loud. It was only seconds later that he felt a rather ill-willed presence behind the gate. Looking up, Naruto felt another wave of fear as something opened a pair of baleful eyes, glowing like blood in the dim light, and stared down at him with slit pupils.

"**At last," **it rumbled, **"The Master of Tails and the Master of Fear come muzzle to muzzle."**

"What?" Naruto blurted out "Who the hell... oh wait, don't tell me." he added as he identified the being before him. The Kyuubi no Yoko could not help but chuckle at the miniscule human's almost unnatural use of logic; something that had been sorely missing in his pathetic prison of a mind for twelve long years.

"'Master of Fear'?" Naruto asked.

"**You'll learn why you bear that title soon enough. Boy, I'm not asking you, I'm telling you: Take that gauntlet." **the disembodied spirit ordered.

"Why?" Naruto asked.

"**Even some of my brethren fear the power of the Hand of God. With time and practice, should you take that weapon, you could easily control your miserable little country." **Said Kyuubi. Naruto was definitely interested now.

"It's that powerful?" he asked.

"**Created by no less than the hands of Thor and Hephaestus with the blessing of Zeus." **It confirmed.

"Who?"

"**Not important. Now get out and claim it!" **the demon snapped, followed by blurring darkness...

Naruto blinked hard and looked up at the Hand of God.

"What should we do with it? We don't want them coming after it again." one of the Sawa civilians quipped, obviously referring to the Jashinist cult.

"Put it to good use," Naruto answered distantly as he began to stride towards the pedestal, as though in a trance.

"Naruto, what the hell are you doing?!" Asuma barked, looking rather worried.

"Making sure no one ever causes a scuffle over this thing again." Naruto answered, removing the Ring from his left hand and placing it on his right. He stopped at the pedestal and slowly moved his arms to grasp the glove. When he expected to be thrown back in a blaze of divine fury, he felt nothing. The disembodied voice whispered 'Yessss!' as Naruto slipped the cold gauntlet onto his left arm. The eight pincers clamped down and pierced his flesh one at a time in quick succession, locking the relic onto Naruto's arm. He winced in pain, but only momentarily as his spiritual symbiote saw to healing the flesh. As Naruto flexed his hand, he felt a wave of _something _rush through him. Looking down at the gauntlet, he saw a faint crackle of electricity jump across the tips of the claws. The onlookers appeared rather frightened, or uncertain.

"I feel... wow... this... this feels _good_." Naruto said softly.

"You okay Naruto?" Asuma asked. Naruto looked up and plastered a half-grin on his face.

"Oh yeah, I'm _dandy_." he replied. Silence rang through the temple.

"Well," one of the elderly Sawagakure Hierarchs- A collection of shinobi that took the place of a Kage- began, "now that we have been ridden of those freaks, Sawagakure thanks you four profusely for your aid in our time of crisis." he said as he bowed his head, followed by the other white-robed Hierarchs. Soon, every civilian and shinobi present was down on their knees in thanks to Team Ten.

"We shall never forget this kindness." said a second female Hierarch. True to her word, a banquet was held in their honour, and they were seen out of the village by almost every occupant.

While elated that he had helped so many people out of oppression, Naruto couldn't help but have an inkling in the back of his head. That title the Kyuubi had given him...

'_... Master of Fear...'_

* * *

**DONE! Hope you enjoyed this installment of 'All Manner of Horror'!**

**For those of you who don't know, Rasetsu is a Boss Character from Ninja Gaiden II.**

**Drop me a constructive review with these key points in mind:**

**1) Tell me whether or not you liked this installment**

**2) Tell me what you specifically liked about this installment**

**3) Tell me what you specifically didn't like about this installment**

**4) Recommend a suitable improvement**

**Until next time,**

**Dirty Reid**


	4. PSA

**All Manner of Horror**

**By: Dirty Reid**

**Public Service Announcement**

* * *

Greetings, my adoring fans.

Undoubtedly, you have all been thinking 'Why the hell isn't this asswipe updating his stories?!' Well, I'll tell you why:

I'm currently in my first year of college, and I don't want to blow it because I spent too much time writing stories (not that I don't enjoy that);

My computer was recently infected with a virus, and I had to delete absolutely EVERYTHING from it.

Rest assured though, NONE of my stories have been abandoned or discontinued, and I will resume working on them sooner or later.

Sincerely yours,

Dirty Reid

* * *

Omake (What, you thought I wasn't going to give you something entertaining to read?):

It had all come down to this.

On one end of the battlefield that was littered with bodies, including those of his teammates, and had been burned away to naught but glass, stood Naruto. His jet black cloak/robe had been ripped and shredded from the heat of battle, and was intermittently stained with blood. Torn as his appearance was, his expression let nothing but determination and anger show through. His baleful expression was only augmented by his nearly snow-white face and his golden yellow eyes that almost appeared to be glowing in the fading light of sunset and the shadows cast by the clouds of smoke and little fires.

Opposing him stood the Uchihas Madara and Sasuke, Hozuki Suigetsu, Jugo and Zetsu. They too looked tattered and were covered in blood, but they were no less ready to quit than Naruto was.

For a long moment, the only sounds were the snapping of wood, the crackle of fire and the weak moans of those not quite dead yet.

"Still aching for some more, I see." Naruto observed aloud, his voice no longer upbeat, but low and apathetic.

"You cannot win this, Jinchuriki." Madara crowed "Your powers are useless against the Sharingan, and even with that toy of yours, you cannot hope to defeat all of us." Madara's posse seemed to gain some confidence at his words. Naruto clenched his fist, the Hand of God letting off a crackle of electricity.

"Oh, but I can," Naruto replied airily, still managing to speak down to them.

"Why? Because you _all_ possess a common weakness. That weakness is _fear_. A poison that seeps through your veins and corrodes your mind, leaving naught but ash and a delicious little subject to manipulate." Naruto explained creepily.

"I can smell it already, welling up from the blackness in your hearts, clutching at your wills with icy fingers… and ensuring my victory." Naruto broke off to chuckle.

"And people think I'm twisted," Sasuke remarked. Naruto blinked hard.

"Oh, I'm not twisted Sasuke," he began as he bit his right hand, flipped through a couple seals and slammed his hand into the ground "I'm just amused that you will _finally_ come face to face with the greatest terror of all time."

And indeed, when the smoke cleared, the remaining Akatsuki felt what courage they had drain from them instantly as they laid eyes upon the monstrous being before them.

Its body was shaped like a foot tall gem, pale pink in colour with a swirling band inside of it. Articulating with its lower half was a tube of some sorts, with six pincers ringing an opening.

While the Akatsuki and 'Akatsuki-Lite' looked utterly terrified, Naruto was left rather clueless.

"Oink, oink." The strange object said. That set off Naruto's foes.

"_**AAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! SWINE FLUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"**_ They screamed collectively before turning tail and running like the pansy-ass little bitches Naruto knew they were.

Silence met the flight of the nukenin.

"… Pbbt, germophobic douche bags." Naruto grunted, dismissing the odd Boss of Fear and wandering off through the wreckage that was once his fortress.

'_I need a drink…'_


End file.
